Tower Of Babel

Recently, I had indicated that I would do a little post about our Jamaican dialect. I thought about it and having no real topic on which to expound this morning, I have decided to take it on today. It will actually take the form of a hypothectical conversation between myself and my bredren (good friend) Mad Bull .

Friday night after a busy week at work and I’m not the doctor on duty for the weekend… (sounds familiar to any of you?)

Me: Lifts up the telephone and dials MB’s number.
MB: Answers after a few rings: Hello?
Me: Wah you a seh my yute? (What’s up dude?)
MB: Naw seh nutten. (Nothing really going on.)
Me: Well, suppem can do bout dat, tonight is Friday. (Well, something can be done about that, it is Friday night.)
MB: Seen, mek we see what can gwaan. (True, let’s see what can take place.)
Me: Well, me sure seh you naw refuse de offer of some juice. (Well, I’m sure you wont refuse the offer of a few drinks.)
MB: Seen. (True.) Actually, MBJr. is spending the night at Grandpa’s so tings can work yes. (Actually, MBJr. (MB’s son) is spending the night at Grandpa’s house, so things could work out.)
Me: Check Natty see if she waan come. (Ask Natty (MB’s wife) if she would like to come.)
MB: Well, you know seh if we go Hylton poolside she might jus decide to come. (Well, you know that if we decide to go to the Hylton’s poolside she may just decide to come.)
Me: Cool, sound like seh we have a plan. (Fine, sounds like we have a plan.) You waan me pick onoo up? (Do you want me to pick you both up?)
MB: Yeah, do dat nuh. (Yes, why not do that.)
I go and jump in the shower and hold a fresh (shower) before driving down to pick them up. I pick them up and we head out to the Hylton’s poolside bar. We have the usual conversation in the car and in about 15 minutes we are at our destination.

We find a suitable table and summon a bartender. Natty orders a Mudslide and MB and I want Appleton VX and Pepsi.
MB: So, what a gwaan my yute? (So, what’s up my friend?)
Me: Well. Jus a cool out since me nuh deh pon call. (Well, just hanging since I am not on call.)
MB: Seen. (I understand.)
Me: Wah de work scene a seh? (What’s happening at work?)
MB: Rass, dem a pressure me wid another project dem waan implement. (Hell, they are pressuring me with another project that they want to implement.)
Me: Jus cool, a nuh nutten, de man can lick dat weh easy. (Just relax, it’s no big deal, I’m sure you can do it easily.)
While we are discussing, a Mampie (very obese Jamaican woman wearing very revealing and tight clothing) passes near the table.
MB: Yes yute, see a nice ting fe you deh. (Yes friend, there is a nice girl for you.) Looks at me expecting to get some rude reply.
ME: Looks at him through the corner of my eyes. Yeah man, you nuh know seh dem gyal will bruck up man structa? (Sure, don’t you know that a girl like her will damage a man’s body?) (Implying that if I were to have sex with a woman of such size, because she is so much larger than I am, she would likely injure me…)
MB: Laughs. Bwoy, you never know, she might give you a wicked ride! (Well. You never know, she might just give you some great sex!)
Me: Me cool, me naw look worries. (I’m fine, I’m not looking for problems.)
Me: Change di argument. (Change the topic.)
MB: Wa’ppen? You vex? (What’s up? Are you annoyed?)
Me: No. Nuh really. Jus waan chat bout suppem else. (No. Not really. I just want to talk about something else.)
MB: Gwaan talk den nuh. (Go on talking then.)
We both have finished the first round of drinks. MB summons the bartender to bring another round.
Me: So, my yute. Me hear from reliable source, seh you boss recommend you fi a rass promotion and you soon start shit money. Wicked, dollars a run my yute! (So. My friend. I hear from reliable sources that your boss has recommended you for a big promotion, so you will soon be shitting money. Good, money is flowing my friend.)
MB: Sipping on his drink. Says nothing.
Me: So wah, you a deny it? (So what, are you denying it?)
MB: Yute. A nuh docta me name you nuh. Me a slave to my work. I man woulda love a raise still, but me nuh know bout any. (Friend. I am not a doctor you know. I would welcome a raise, but I am not aware of any.)
MB: Me nuh like you who play golf all day for a living! (I am not like you who plays golf all day for a living!)
Me: Yah, rolling eyes. (Yes, rolling my eyes.) (In actual fact, I do not play golf at all, but this is the type of thing that MB and I do to each other all the time in common parlance.)
Me: You know, I must rope you een on a game one day. (You know, I must invite you to play one day.)
MB: Rasta, me woulda come still, but a poor yute like miself caan deal wid dem big money game deh! (Friend, I would like to come but a poor man like me can’t afford to play such expensive games!)
Me: Cho. A friggery you a chat. You know seh you mek nuff money jus by punching computer keyboard! (Aw, come on. You know that you are talking crap. You know too well that you make a lot of money simply by typing on a computer keyboard!)
MB: Yeah. Anyway yute. Mek we settle up de bill and see if we can find a next spot to cool out nuh. De vibes here not so irie. (Yes. Anyway friend. Let’s settle the bill and see if we can find another place to hang out. This place is a bit boring.)
Me: Cool. I will deal wid the bill. (OK. I will settle the bill.)
MB: Getting up. Cool.
I will truncate here. This is actually a true representation of the type of conversation that MB and myself will have over a few drinks when we are pulling each other’s legs. I’m sure you are only too familiar with what I am trying to conjure up.

No matter what your language, this I believe is common amongst friends worldwide. Hail to bredrens. Hope you enjoyed my little ‘conversation’.

I noticed in the Gleaner that the Police Force has rejected the government’s wage offer. Hmm.

Anyway. It’s Saturday and I plan to round up a Lime Cay crew. Can’t bother to put the worries of our country on my head right now. Later.

Well, it is Friday morning and I am in my element. I was pretty tired last night so after coming home I did not play around on the computer for any length of time. I conked out fast.

I woke up at about 5:30 this morning as a result of having a good sleep, to the wonderful sound of early morning birdsong and a beautiful cool breeze coming in through the window. I haven’t heard the birdsong in a while.

I was then looking through the Gleaner this morning, to see if I could find something to get me in a mood to post and while looking at the death column (something that I usually do daily), I saw the memoriam of a friend’s Father, who died a year ago. My how time flies…. Recently, she said she was asking him to give her a sign to let her know that he was alright. Well, with such a beautiful morning, perhaps he is indeed giving her a sign, I must indicate this to her, it may help to put her mind at ease. I’m sure he is fine, he was a very likeable person.

Melville Cooke has an article in the paper today that is bashing our local beauty contests and the International ones. He is saying that they favour Caucasians too much and he is not impressed when they select a black woman to win an international beauty contest, like they did when Wendy Fitzwilliam was selected winner of Miss Universe. He strikes me as an individual that is proud of his blackness and there is nothing wrong with that, but he seems to make it too much of an issue. Anyhow, he must know. I won’t bother to get into the point about Caucasoid features being favoured in these contests.

What’s up otherwise? I see that we shocked out (did well) at the World Association of Flower Arrangers Show in Glasgow. It is no secret that we have a wide array of flowering plants in this country and gardening is a big hobby with many of our people……Another reason why some of us choose to remain here. Our weather is practically constant throughout the year, apart from subtle fluctuations in temperature and rainfall.

On the down side of things, it seems that a new style of murder and kidnapping is rearing its ugly head, as bodies have been discovered buried in two pits in Kingston this week, very frightening indeed. The Police have also made another large cocaine haul. I suppose that it is good that they are finding it, but one can only imagine that what is actually found represents only a small fraction of what is being trafficked, a sort of ‘tip of the iceberg’ situation.

The politicians continue on their election hype, I won’t even bother to waste my breath there, more and more flatus from them.

As for me, being Friday and not on call, I plan to make the best of it. Lime Cay is definitely on the agenda this weekend and who knows what else? BTW, my friend who had the job interview yesterday, seems to think it went well. We shall see. Me sure seh tings well kriss my yute! (I’m sure that everything is cool dude!) And, even if you don’t get that job, there will be others. God has a way of working things out, so relax yourself and jus cool. Later we going to have a few drinks and jus irie! (Later we are going to have a few drinks and feel good!) Have a good one all. Me a flash! (I’m leaving!)

I have a friend from high school days staying with me for a week. He told me that a relative had offered to lend him a car while he is here. Last night, after eating out, we went to check out the said vehicle.

Well! Two flat tyres. Certificate of Fitness expired since June 2001. Insurance expired since June last year. Road license expired since June 2002. Nutten nuh current! (Nothing is current!) All documents expired to rass!

Puts key into engine and turns ignition, car can’t start. Damn, he is going for a job interview this afternoon. I don’t think the ‘may reach’ vehicle will do the trick. Think I better lend him mine and later I’ll call a friend that I know who rents cars.

Sometimes, there are certain kinds of ‘help’ that we can do without, but then again, I guess it is the thought that counts!! All the best with the interview my yute. I’m sure you can turn on the charm!

How many of you are aware of the components of intestinal gas (farts)? And I’m not trying to offend anyone here. Well, the gases released when one is flatulent are essentially, carbon dioxide, nitrogen and hydrogen sulphide. The amount of the latter is what determines whether it is offensive smelling, or not. Well, the World Summit on Environment and Development opened in Johannesburg on August 26th.

65, 000 delegates will be attending the 10 days of talks. Paradoxically, it has been estimated that transporting these delegates by air to the event will dump about half a million tonnes of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere. This has been equated to the amount that is produced by one million people in India in one year. Gwynne Dyer, a London based journalist thinks this is the most absurd thing about this, the world’s largest ever conference.

A few other points. The conference timing was changed. It was moved up from the first two weeks in September on account of what transpired on September 11th, last year, in order to allow George Bush to attend the closing ceremonies. But apparently Bush’s relationship with environmental movements aren’t all that friendly. (Ask him how he recently proposed to control forest fires in the States.) So, he has decided to ‘fart’ on the rest of the world, and not attend the damn conference. I suppose he wants to remain in the U.S. at this time, as the one year memorial of 9-11 approaches. I guess that is understandable.

One of the main themes of this conference, is whether continued support for the Kyoto accord will be achieved. This accord actually proposes specific national targets for reduction of gas emissions. The accord cannot come into effect until 55 countries have ratified it. Fifty five countries have already ratified, but, since the U.S. accounted for 36.1% of industrial countries emissions, almost every other developed country must ratifty the accord in order to cross the threshold.

Most of the other developed countries (the EU countries and Japan accounting for 35.2% of emissions) already have. Eastern European countries anxious to join the EU will certainly ratify Kyoto. Russia, responsible for 17.4% of emissions, is also committed to doing so. However, the collective total may still fall short of the required 55% threshold. This makes Canada and Australia, both closely allied to the U.S. with large energy sectors, the crucial countries in the ‘game’.

If just one of them were to ratify, then Kyoto would be a reality. Austraila has already ‘kangarooed’ because of their coal exporting industry and Canada is looking a bit unsure.

So, I guess that what it boils down to, is that Johannesburg is really a lot of ‘hot air’ about, well, in this case, I can’t say nothing. To copy my good bredren Mad Bull, it all comes down to polyTICKS, polyTRICKS and my own, polyPRICKS! Let’s just hope they won’t fart around, and allow good sense to prevail. We do need to preserve our environment. Later.

I just checked in at kd and she says that a poll is taking place to decide on the venue for the next Blog Con. Now, apparently, New Orleans is high on the list. I have never been there, but have heard it is a nice place. In fact, I was supposed to have attended a Dermatology conference there earlier this year, but, one thing lead to another, and I did not get to go.

I would like to make a proposal. How many of you bloggers would truly wish to attend a Blog Con in JAMAICA?! Now, perhaps, next year is a bit too soon. But if we have enough serious takers, I think that Mad Bull and I could arrange something for you all to enjoy. Leave a little comment if you would seriously think of attending such a bashy (enjoyable) event. N.B. Only serious replies now, you hear?

This morning while having my breakfast cereal, I was reading our newspaper the Gleaner. On Tuesdays, they have a small magazine called “Youth Link”. This supplement targets teens in particular. There is a section on entertainment, they usually feature a teen who is making something of themself with whatever talents thay have and in addition, there is a column where teens can write to a Pastor about problems they are having and get advice. I salute the Gleaner for having this supplement on Tuesdays, as so many of our youths today are pretty misguided and lack good parenting.

A sixteen year old girl wrote to the Pastor asking for advice about an experience she had with a church ‘elder’. An elder is a person who attends the same church that you do, someone who usually has been associated with the church community for a long time and is well respected, a ‘ranks’ so to speak. This person is someone whom you should be able to look to for advice and guidance. Very similar to the Pastor.

The girl in her letter, said that she had become close to the elder as she has been attending the church since she was 11 years old. She does not know her Father and he essentially plays the role of a Father figure to her. She related that recently, she had sex with him. She felt guilty at first and thought that it was wholly her fault. But she said that after thinking about it, she realized that she was not the only one to blame as he had coerced her into it for his own sexual gratification.

First of all, I must verbally denounce this ‘elder’ as he is no better than the Paedophile Priests that the Catholic church seems to be protecting. I am not at all condoning this type of behaviour by men with young girls, it is bullshit! She is only sixteen! He has clearly abused his position of authority and taken advantage of this poor young teen. Thankfully, the Pastor to whom she wrote in the column, has given her good advice about how to proceed. I am happy to see that he has recommended that she report him to the Pastor of her church. I hope that he will be exposed.

The Pastor who authors the replies also indicated that he would not be surprized if he has done the same thing with other young girls in the church as well. I think that this sort of thing does happen in many church communities, i.e. sexual activity with a church member. Many of these people will denounce other people outside of the church community if they realize that they are involved in a sexual relationship. If they, however, are having a sexual relationship with a church member, it is excusable! That’s one of the problems I have with some of these ‘holier than thous’. Those of us who may not be pushing church door every Sunday are heathens to them. Now please don’t read me wrongly, I do not believe that the majority of people in church communities behave this way, but they are enough of these types around. Pretending to be so Godlike, but deep down some are no better than the Devil.

I will end by saying that I hope this girl will take the Pastor’s advice and act accordingly. Hopefully, it will not ruin her ability to have a meaningful relationship with a man in the future as feelings of guilt can really interfere with the way in which we interact with the opposite sex. Enough of that . Have a good day at work.

Wah a gwaan? (What is happening, or what’s goin down?) Naw seh nutten! (Nothing really! Or, not saying a thing!)

That was just a little bit of translation for the non-Jamaican visitors to this site, some of whom I am sure, by their frequent visits to this site as well as Mad Bull’s have become quite proficient with some of the more commonly used Jamaican patois phrases and, not to mention, our rather colourful claats (expletives). Anyhow, this entry is really not about Jamaican patois per se. Maybe, one day I may decide to do a post about that, not that I consider myself to be any linguist.

It is just that the title of this post sums up today’s happenings (or lack thereof) in a very good way. When greeting bredrens sometimes, we frequently ask, “Wah a gwaan?” If there is really nothing worthy of mention, then we reply, “Naw seh nutten!” Hence, today was just another one of those Mondays, work and more of it.

Incidentally, the patient that I had mentioned I think last week, that we suspected has a Cutaneous Lymphoma (Cancer of the Lymph nodes with skin involvement) has been diagnosed as such. Yup, his biopsy confirmed our suspicions, no surprises there. He will start chemotherapy soon. One of the drugs he is likely to receive, is something called Adriamycin, a pretty horrible medication in terms of its potential side effects. I dubbed it, ‘The Red Poison’ long ago. I guess that cancer is pretty radical disease, hence, the treatment of it is pretty rough too. If we could treat it better with less harsh drugs, I guess we would. Hail to research and development. Only problem is, anything we make nowadays that is newer and better at treating disease, usually is so rass expensive. Sigh. Some of the perils of life and the practice of Medicine. Please do not feel that I am unburdening myself on you, I’m just putting my thoughts on ‘paper’. (And I guess you must like reading them, or you would have logged out long ago! ) You must think that I’m very nuff (conceited). No not really, just trying to interject a little humor, you should know me by now, a sucker for a good laugh.

So. Wah a gwaan in Jamaica? Well, the damn election hype is changing into third gear, with the parties and their candidates bashing each other, making rebuttals about statements and the usual crap. The same old shit, just a different year!

Apparently there was a fashion show with entertainment on the weekend, including Usher. I don’t mind his music at all. The name of the show was Sashi. Follow this link if you care to read more about Sashi.

Apparently, a guy who was in the audience, was captivated by one of the female models. She was wearing a bikini with a gold belt around her waist, that was mimicking a gun belt. The man apparently shouted out to show his appreciation, “Gyal me woulda kill you right now!” (Girl, I would kill you right now!) Now, I wonder what he planned to use as the ‘murder’ weapon?

So, there were fashion shows on the weekend, the politicians are having a hey day, and there is work. To top it off, the weekend just finished and I was on call, so me tiyad (I’m tired). I have a funny feeling that an early bedtime would be in good order. In summary, dat is what a gwaan (that is what is going on). Later bredrens.

Please, all of you go and wish Mad Bull’s Blog a Happy Birthday!! Go now, do not stop, do not past go, do not collect $200. Just go do it. All the best my yute!

I am in a ‘right mood’ (as they would say in England) today! This post was stimulated by something that occurred at work at the hospital this morning.

I reached my Ward at about 10 AM this morning, in order to do my rounds and see the patients. When I arrived on the ward, there was a heated little argument taking place between the Nurse In Charge and one of our Ward Assistants. Now, this Nurse was working on our ward for the first time and she is a caucasian from Cuba. Yes, we have a fairly large number of Cuban Nurses here, filling the vacancies created by the mass migration of our good Jamaican Nurses to foreign lands.

The Ward Assistant was refusing to take the blood pressure of a patient because she said that she had been very rude to her when she tried. Now, this Nurse, had the audacity to tell the Ward Assiatant that the patient could not have told her what she said she did, because the patient is white, and white people do not behave that way! The poor ward assistant related to her, that when she tried to put the blood pressure cuff on her arm, she pulled away from her as if to scorn her because she is black! She says she tried to ignore it, but she then proceeded to tell her that she did not want her to take her ‘pressure’ as she wanted the Nurse, who is more qualified, to do it! What a piece of cheek!

Let me go on to enlighten you all about this patient. This Cuban Nurse, as a “New kid on the block” has a lot to learn about this woman. I cannot give you too much detail about her, as she is too ‘politically’ connected, in medicine and otherwise. Unfortunately, the net is by no means private, and I certainly have no control over who comes here to read my posts.

This patient is a Caucasian from England and is married to a Jamaican black man. She has been quite rude to many of the members of staff on our service, medical and otherwise in the past and though she has not made racist statements to any of the doctors, we have come to the conclusion that she does have racist tendencies by her behaviour, despite being married to a man of colour.

Of all the doctors on our service, I have the lightest complexion. She goes out of her way to be extremely polite to me, smiling with me on most occasions and even calling me Sir, at times. She is not overtly rude to the other doctors, but she is not this pleasant with them at all. I do not like this type of behaviour about her. As a consequence, I am ’strictly business’ when I am seeing her on rounds. I am not in any ‘long argument’ (long discourse) when I go to her bedside. As long as her medical needs are attended to, than I move along. At the same time I am not rude either.

Anyhow, I told the Ward Assistant to leave her, I would do the blood pressure, and I did. I then proceeded to give the Nurse a little introduction to our ward, and to myself. First of all, I had to let her know, that the colour of a persons skin dictates in no way, how they will behave in certain situations. Trash comes in all colours, black, white, purple or blue, and they are not listed here in any order of preference or dislike. There is more if you wish to endure…..
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I have been finding the trivia page of the Gleaner carrying some interesting stories and they have prompted some of my posts recently. I have no shame in telling you that I am no fountain of information. It can prove quite tedious to post about something so regularly, that will be of interest to readers and of course, the part I like, result in stimulating comments.

It is Saturday morning, and though I am on call and have to go in to see the patients, I don’t usually ‘bruck mi neck” (rush) to work on weekends. I adopt a slightly more laid back approach, hell, doctors treasure their weekends too! In any case, I already called the ward and the Nurse In Charge indicated that ‘nobody naw dead up deh’, (none of the patients were dying), in other words, things seem OK. So, here I am putting my priorities first, and making a post! I will get to the hospital in good time.

The little story that caught my eye is from Bangkok, Thailand. No, it is not about their ‘massage’ services either. Sorry. Would any of you consider COCKROACHES as pets? I think it quite gross.

The Thai government is cautioning people against raising giant African cockroaches as pets, saying that they could prove health risks. Apparently some enterprising businessman has imported into Thailand, large Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches from Africa and is selling them as pets. The cost, 50 baht (US $1.19) each. They are available in markets to the public. The roach is so called because of the hissing sound it makes when mating.

Authorities are concerned that they are unhygienic. It is known that they carry viruses and bacteria on their bodies, but it is not proven that roaches transmit disease. Roaches feed on just about any kind of food that is available. When feeding, they spit and crap on whatever it is they are consuming. Some people are known to be allergic to the droppings. Yuck!

The Public Health Ministry there is also worried about the high reproductive capabilities of these creatures, they can produce anywhere from 40 to 60 youngsters in a 60 day gestation period.

These insects get to quite a dramatic size, reaching 6.35 cm (2.5 inches) in length. We here in Jamaica, have a fairly large roach called the ‘Drummer Roach’ (not sure why it is called that, any of you who know, please feel free to enlighten me) and I hate them. The article goes on to mention that the world’s largest roaches, which are from South America, grows to 15.2 cm (6 inches) with a wing span of 30 cm (12 inches!), some monster. I think I’d have to call the
exterminator. I can’t understand how anyone could consider a roach a suitable pet, as far as I’m concerned, they are pests! Where is the Baygon? Talk again later if I find something to ‘beat my gums about.’ Have a good weekend.