Teen girl and church elder have sex.
This morning while having my breakfast cereal, I was reading our newspaper the Gleaner. On Tuesdays, they have a small magazine called “Youth Link”. This supplement targets teens in particular. There is a section on entertainment, they usually feature a teen who is making something of themself with whatever talents thay have and in addition, there is a column where teens can write to a Pastor about problems they are having and get advice. I salute the Gleaner for having this supplement on Tuesdays, as so many of our youths today are pretty misguided and lack good parenting.
A sixteen year old girl wrote to the Pastor asking for advice about an experience she had with a church ‘elder’. An elder is a person who attends the same church that you do, someone who usually has been associated with the church community for a long time and is well respected, a ‘ranks’ so to speak. This person is someone whom you should be able to look to for advice and guidance. Very similar to the Pastor.
The girl in her letter, said that she had become close to the elder as she has been attending the church since she was 11 years old. She does not know her Father and he essentially plays the role of a Father figure to her. She related that recently, she had sex with him. She felt guilty at first and thought that it was wholly her fault. But she said that after thinking about it, she realized that she was not the only one to blame as he had coerced her into it for his own sexual gratification.
First of all, I must verbally denounce this ‘elder’ as he is no better than the Paedophile Priests that the Catholic church seems to be protecting. I am not at all condoning this type of behaviour by men with young girls, it is bullshit! She is only sixteen! He has clearly abused his position of authority and taken advantage of this poor young teen. Thankfully, the Pastor to whom she wrote in the column, has given her good advice about how to proceed. I am happy to see that he has recommended that she report him to the Pastor of her church. I hope that he will be exposed.
The Pastor who authors the replies also indicated that he would not be surprized if he has done the same thing with other young girls in the church as well. I think that this sort of thing does happen in many church communities, i.e. sexual activity with a church member. Many of these people will denounce other people outside of the church community if they realize that they are involved in a sexual relationship. If they, however, are having a sexual relationship with a church member, it is excusable! That’s one of the problems I have with some of these ‘holier than thous’. Those of us who may not be pushing church door every Sunday are heathens to them. Now please don’t read me wrongly, I do not believe that the majority of people in church communities behave this way, but they are enough of these types around. Pretending to be so Godlike, but deep down some are no better than the Devil.
I will end by saying that I hope this girl will take the Pastor’s advice and act accordingly. Hopefully, it will not ruin her ability to have a meaningful relationship with a man in the future as feelings of guilt can really interfere with the way in which we interact with the opposite sex. Enough of that . Have a good day at work.
August 27th, 2002 at 11:25 am This is no isolated incident at all doc…these types of things are very prevalent; we think that they are in the minority as a lot of the young girls feel ashamed and as if they are to blame and are too afraid to tell the real story…I guess we have to pray for those who think they don’t need prayers. It’s a sad state of affairs!
August 27th, 2002 at 12:29 pm whats make you think the pastor wouldn’t have done the same thing to her. it was wrong what he did, and i do not excuse his behavior, but the elder is only human…and yes things like these do happen unfortunately. he has sinned and i am sure he has asked for forgiveness. what makes his sin any different from your sin (generalizing). a sin is a sin right Doc.
August 27th, 2002 at 5:10 pm With my Counseling and Social Service background I have had to contend with the devastation that these culprits (molesting leaders) have created. As seen in this case, long before the perpetrator victimizes, he (or she) identifies a void and steps in to “fill” it, after trust is gained, he goes in for the kill. In my opinion one of the most unfortunate elements in these cases is the twisted sense of allegiance that the young ladies feel toward those who have filled a void, even when trust is breached. PJ, I agree, sin is sin. BUT! It is one thing for me to sin against God with myself or with another consenting adult, however, it’s another thing to drag an unassuming minor into my sin, this type of sin produces long term and emotionally debilitating effects in the life of the innocent.
August 27th, 2002 at 7:15 pm pj, I think that what Gee has said above is quite right. I will be the first to admit that I am not without sin. None of us are for that matter, we are all humans. However, I am not standing up on any church altar denouncing sinners or pretending to be a church elder. And, I certainly do not go around molesting young girls sexually! I am in full agreement with you, that the Pastor could do this sort of thing to her as well. However, if you simply adopt the attitude that ’sin is sin’ and dismiss it, then this shines a very dark light on those who take up vocational roles in the church as Pastors, elders and so on. In that case, we should simply dismiss it as sin, because that is all it is. I think you need to bear in mind that church leaders, the clergy and so on, are people in whom others look up to and respect, they trust them and expect them to do better. I am fully aware that even the most holy do sin, as we are only flesh. However, to simply pass it off as a sin being a sin, is not looking at the whole picture IMHO. Is this the type of attitude that you adopt with respect to the way in which the Catholic church has decided to deal with the issue of Paedophilia in some of its Priests? Then if so, I have to beg to disagree with you. As far as I am concerned, they should be in jail, as that is where I certainly would have to go if I were to be found guilty of such a crime. Anyhow, I seem to be repeating myself. I think I have expressed the way I feel pretty clearly and somehow, I think that I am right in what I am saying. (But then again, that is just MY opinion.)