Jamaican chat……
Recently, I had indicated that I would do a little post about our Jamaican dialect. I thought about it and having no real topic on which to expound this morning, I have decided to take it on today. It will actually take the form of a hypothectical conversation between myself and my bredren (good friend) Mad Bull .
Friday night after a busy week at work and I’m not the doctor on duty for the weekend… (sounds familiar to any of you?)
Me: Lifts up the telephone and dials MB’s number.
MB: Answers after a few rings: Hello?
Me: Wah you a seh my yute? (What’s up dude?)
MB: Naw seh nutten. (Nothing really going on.)
Me: Well, suppem can do bout dat, tonight is Friday. (Well, something can be done about that, it is Friday night.)
MB: Seen, mek we see what can gwaan. (True, let’s see what can take place.)
Me: Well, me sure seh you naw refuse de offer of some juice. (Well, I’m sure you wont refuse the offer of a few drinks.)
MB: Seen. (True.) Actually, MBJr. is spending the night at Grandpa’s so tings can work yes. (Actually, MBJr. (MB’s son) is spending the night at Grandpa’s house, so things could work out.)
Me: Check Natty see if she waan come. (Ask Natty (MB’s wife) if she would like to come.)
MB: Well, you know seh if we go Hylton poolside she might jus decide to come. (Well, you know that if we decide to go to the Hylton’s poolside she may just decide to come.)
Me: Cool, sound like seh we have a plan. (Fine, sounds like we have a plan.) You waan me pick onoo up? (Do you want me to pick you both up?)
MB: Yeah, do dat nuh. (Yes, why not do that.)
I go and jump in the shower and hold a fresh (shower) before driving down to pick them up. I pick them up and we head out to the Hylton’s poolside bar. We have the usual conversation in the car and in about 15 minutes we are at our destination.
We find a suitable table and summon a bartender. Natty orders a Mudslide and MB and I want Appleton VX and Pepsi.
MB: So, what a gwaan my yute? (So, what’s up my friend?)
Me: Well. Jus a cool out since me nuh deh pon call. (Well, just hanging since I am not on call.)
MB: Seen. (I understand.)
Me: Wah de work scene a seh? (What’s happening at work?)
MB: Rass, dem a pressure me wid another project dem waan implement. (Hell, they are pressuring me with another project that they want to implement.)
Me: Jus cool, a nuh nutten, de man can lick dat weh easy. (Just relax, it’s no big deal, I’m sure you can do it easily.)
While we are discussing, a Mampie (very obese Jamaican woman wearing very revealing and tight clothing) passes near the table.
MB: Yes yute, see a nice ting fe you deh. (Yes friend, there is a nice girl for you.) Looks at me expecting to get some rude reply.
ME: Looks at him through the corner of my eyes. Yeah man, you nuh know seh dem gyal will bruck up man structa? (Sure, don’t you know that a girl like her will damage a man’s body?) (Implying that if I were to have sex with a woman of such size, because she is so much larger than I am, she would likely injure me…)
MB: Laughs. Bwoy, you never know, she might give you a wicked ride! (Well. You never know, she might just give you some great sex!)
Me: Me cool, me naw look worries. (I’m fine, I’m not looking for problems.)
Me: Change di argument. (Change the topic.)
MB: Wa’ppen? You vex? (What’s up? Are you annoyed?)
Me: No. Nuh really. Jus waan chat bout suppem else. (No. Not really. I just want to talk about something else.)
MB: Gwaan talk den nuh. (Go on talking then.)
We both have finished the first round of drinks. MB summons the bartender to bring another round.
Me: So, my yute. Me hear from reliable source, seh you boss recommend you fi a rass promotion and you soon start shit money. Wicked, dollars a run my yute! (So. My friend. I hear from reliable sources that your boss has recommended you for a big promotion, so you will soon be shitting money. Good, money is flowing my friend.)
MB: Sipping on his drink. Says nothing.
Me: So wah, you a deny it? (So what, are you denying it?)
MB: Yute. A nuh docta me name you nuh. Me a slave to my work. I man woulda love a raise still, but me nuh know bout any. (Friend. I am not a doctor you know. I would welcome a raise, but I am not aware of any.)
MB: Me nuh like you who play golf all day for a living! (I am not like you who plays golf all day for a living!)
Me: Yah, rolling eyes. (Yes, rolling my eyes.) (In actual fact, I do not play golf at all, but this is the type of thing that MB and I do to each other all the time in common parlance.)
Me: You know, I must rope you een on a game one day. (You know, I must invite you to play one day.)
MB: Rasta, me woulda come still, but a poor yute like miself caan deal wid dem big money game deh! (Friend, I would like to come but a poor man like me can’t afford to play such expensive games!)
Me: Cho. A friggery you a chat. You know seh you mek nuff money jus by punching computer keyboard! (Aw, come on. You know that you are talking crap. You know too well that you make a lot of money simply by typing on a computer keyboard!)
MB: Yeah. Anyway yute. Mek we settle up de bill and see if we can find a next spot to cool out nuh. De vibes here not so irie. (Yes. Anyway friend. Let’s settle the bill and see if we can find another place to hang out. This place is a bit boring.)
Me: Cool. I will deal wid the bill. (OK. I will settle the bill.)
MB: Getting up. Cool.
I will truncate here. This is actually a true representation of the type of conversation that MB and myself will have over a few drinks when we are pulling each other’s legs. I’m sure you are only too familiar with what I am trying to conjure up.
No matter what your language, this I believe is common amongst friends worldwide. Hail to bredrens. 
Hope you enjoyed my little ‘conversation’.
I noticed in the Gleaner that the Police Force has rejected the government’s wage offer. Hmm.
Anyway. It’s Saturday and I plan to round up a Lime Cay crew. Can’t bother to put the worries of our country on my head right now. Later.
August 31st, 2002 at 10:00 am hahaha. It’s crazy how unreadable that is.
August 31st, 2002 at 10:33 am EY BWOY! YU CAN TELL SOME LIE! YOU NUH HAVE NUTTUN FI DO?!
August 31st, 2002 at 10:55 am The police refused the Government’s wage offer because they want more money, and this is the best time to press their advantage, what with an election coming up. The P.N.P. don’t want a strike at this time, and they are hoping not to lose the police vote (as they assume they have it somewhat) The police have to press for what they want now, and if they don’t get it before elections, well, DEM NAW GET NOTHING!!!
August 31st, 2002 at 11:14 am Hee hee… I actually was able to read most of that without the translation. Man… I lived in Brooklyn waaaaay too long!
August 31st, 2002 at 9:34 pm Tell lie? Who me? I don’t know bout dat!
October 9th, 2002 at 5:45 pm my yute is wa u tek dis fa …..and its not seen its zeen u no undastand di jamaican talk so don try
November 21st, 2002 at 6:08 pm Mon mi been way from yawd way to long. But mi still can read.
December 1st, 2002 at 11:29 pm Mi cyaa beleive you tink seh you affi translate dat…cha! Ah who ya tink you ah write fa…pickney?
December 1st, 2002 at 11:43 pm Me will have you know seh is not only Jamaican yardie read de site, so dat is why it translate!
December 18th, 2002 at 1:43 am Nuh vex, even di yankees can understand that story.
December 29th, 2002 at 12:39 am holla to ever one in waterford
December 29th, 2002 at 12:42 am is there anyone on here
January 14th, 2003 at 6:00 am Greetins….I have been tryin wid all me hart to find a Rasta to chat wih!!! Can someone help me please?! Irie!
January 14th, 2003 at 6:05 am Greetins…….I have been tryin” wid all me hart to find a Rasta to chat wih!! }Couldsomeone help me please?! Cool Runnins!
January 14th, 2003 at 6:08 am Greetins….I ‘ave bin tryin wid all me hart to find a Rasta to chat with, could someone help me?
February 6th, 2003 at 6:46 pm What a mon cyaan chat eeh!!! Anybody looking for a nice American woman to talk with let me know. I love everything about jamaica. I am trying to learn the languge.
February 13th, 2003 at 7:20 pm Hello there
April 4th, 2003 at 3:47 pm I am a spanish boy.I want to Know jamaican people. please.i love jamaica culture
April 4th, 2003 at 3:47 pm I am a spanish boy.I want to Know jamaican people. please.i love jamaica culture
April 19th, 2003 at 12:49 am yo what da Gwan like this is the original rude gwrl saying whats up to all my Jamaican people on here
April 19th, 2003 at 7:56 pm hey i love jamacia. I study about it for Fun. Im going to go their and sing Regga music,with my other friend Jenn D. i realy want to talk 2 someone from Jamacia on Instant Messenger. Se yous mon’s lata
April 19th, 2003 at 8:01 pm hey guys I for got to tell you some thing i live in the USA. Heheh my Sn for IM is R2D2theblondy have a good day prettym…..
May 7th, 2003 at 7:45 am hello all di people inna chat.haff fun an galore seen. mia outta bomboclaat germany where the sun noh shine.
May 7th, 2003 at 7:51 am evý mon an umon cyaan mail cah i´m interested to find an original jam.to learn the lang.all deh na do anything so mail back.dancehallact@web.de. nice
May 10th, 2003 at 10:01 pm Looking for lovely interesting jamaican woman to chat with.Lets chat about reggae music,jamaican food,island life in general.Please e:mail me–looking forward to hearing from you.
June 26th, 2003 at 11:44 am yawd people shoulda stop translating patois texts,strong or not strong patois:mi know some bwoy weh a bleech pahn dem internet reeding we tingz dem,and wake up an gwan like seh dem seh dem jamaicans. Bun dem up(nuh tru,dr.D?)
July 27th, 2003 at 12:22 am watz up inna yah
August 20th, 2003 at 4:47 pm email me!!
August 20th, 2003 at 4:48 pm oops, at BGirl@ihaveabigass.com haha 4real.
August 26th, 2003 at 12:53 am Just came across this site by accident tonight so I thought I would send a note 100% Jamaican deh a NYC fi far too long…:o)
August 30th, 2003 at 12:51 am IT’S HARD TO FIND OTHER JAMAICAN’S ONLINE TO CHAT WITH SO IT’S GOOD TO KNOW THERE IS MORE OF US OUT THERE!
November 16th, 2003 at 5:28 pm attractive
November 19th, 2003 at 1:58 pm Mi tink yah so krazy mi jamican two.but mi been ohio more dan tree years
November 26th, 2003 at 5:29 am jamaicans that are the best
December 2nd, 2003 at 11:39 am Yah mon! Allright, I’ll shut-up with the phony accent, but I have a serious! question, and I think that a local Jamaican’s opinion is critical. In my mind, globalization is the movement of goods and services, and to the present day, the movement of information technology. Now, does anyone share my opinion that globalization has had profound effects on the language. Since Columbus fell onto you and began slavery in the years to come. Do you think that with English, African, and Irish settlers, the language has become almost”globalizaed” into what it is now, a mix of several languages from involvement with several types of settlers. Please- tell me what you think, even if i am an idiot thanks Matt -Pura Vida
December 6th, 2003 at 12:36 pm wat gwaan fi all dem psydo patois speakin frens walk good ana pass dem kushungpenguuuZ
January 1st, 2004 at 8:05 pm why is it that its so hard for me to find anyone to chat online with in jamaiac.
January 16th, 2004 at 8:21 pm Greetings All Kings an Queens… Y u people feel di need fi chat wit a Jamaican fi get di culcha an tings.. u nah no dat u shall find Jamaica innahya heart an soul… Search an Jah shall reveal dat feelin an vibez u fi get wen u tink of di islands. Travel ahyawd an experience Jah Maica fi unu self. anyway mi name Emprii an u caan fine I @yahoo.com or messenger.. Blessings.. an how did I get to this website anyway.. I was looking for something else.. LOL
February 6th, 2004 at 9:10 pm hello mi name sandy and mi just wann say whats up to all da yard people dem out day so big from sandy
February 20th, 2004 at 1:15 pm this is all shit my fucking spots r not going so fuck u
February 23rd, 2004 at 6:41 pm hotties
March 15th, 2004 at 6:49 pm Jah Rastafari love itinually,bless!!!
April 13th, 2004 at 6:44 pm LOOKING FOR A SPECIAL RASTAMAN FROM DELECREE LANE IN KINGSTON IS NAME IS JUNIOR ANY BODY KNOW HIM HOLLA BACK. TO ALL MY PEOPLE STAY COOL