Once a month??!!
Well, I’ve had a good day so far. The talk I gave this morning was pretty well received and in all honesty, I enjoyed doing it. Needless to say, the change of scenery from the hospital was also welcome. Anyhow, I had to press (step on the gas) after lunch at the workshop, to make it in time to see some patients in the clinic in the afternoon.
This post is about what happened with one of them. One of my patients that has been coming to clinic for a while with eczema, came for a routine follow up appointment today. His eczema was pretty well controlled. So I started writing up a prescription for him. While I was doing this, he asked me if he could chat about something that was on his mind. So I said yes, as I was in a pretty good mood as well.
He said to me that he was having problems at home. Marital ones. I listened and he essentially told me that it had to do with the fact that he was not getting enough sex from his wife, as far as he was concerned. He said he had discussed it with a couple of his bredrens, and they told him that they agreed with him. He said he wanted to get my opinion.
I asked him on average how often he was having sex. He said, ONCE PER MONTH DOC!! This he said with his eyes quite wide open. I tried not to look too shocked myself. This guy is 38 years old, athletic and reasonable looking. I asked him what age his wife was and he said 33. So before I said anything, I paused and thought while I continued to write his prescription.
OK I said. First of all, in my opinion, once a month for a couple in your age group is a bit on the low side. He then said that there were times when the frequency was less and it was driving him crazy as his hormones were getting the better of him. He said that he had to be resorting to relieving himself manually, and he did not find it satisfying enough.
He said that some of his friends had told him that they would have to ‘go outta road’ (seek sex outside of the marriage) if they were in the same situation. Now, I said to him that what he needed to do was explore the reasons why her interest in sex had fallen off. Was it that she had in the past wanted it more often and recently lost interest? Or, was it that she was always like this? Bear in mind, they have been married for about three years.
He said that he spoke with her about it, and she said she just has little drive for it. I asked him if she experienced orgasm, and he responded that as far as he was aware, orgasm was not common for her, despite his best efforts using all the modalities of stimulation. (I don’t think I need to spell them out, as I think you are fully aware of what they are).
At the end of it, I told him that the frequency was indeed low. And, though quality is better than quantity (which he fully agreed with) that he needs to go over the matter again with her, in a very understanding way. Also, I recommended a counsellor as long as she was willing.
Whether you agree or not, the way I see it (and I am no authority on marriage, as I’m not yet wed myself), sex is very important in any union. Though sex is not the only thing that should use to hold a marriage together, it plays a pretty serious role, particularly when the couple is younger. Indeed, it can result in breakdown of the union as it can result in one (or both) parties seeking sexual gratification elsewhere. I dare say, if I was married, I doubt that every four weeks would keep me happy. What do you all think? Because of the nature of the discussion, if you feel to reserve your comments, I’ll understand. Once a month??? I don’t think so!!
On the other hand, I have recently met a guy of similar age who is now divorced. He has no shame to relate that the reason why his marriage ended, was that he came to discover that his wife was indeed a nymphomaniac! He said that when they first married, he thought that it was heaven. Sex every night, sometimes three times per night. Then he expected that the ‘novelty’ as he termed it, would wear off over time. It did not. He said she needed it EVERY night, and after a while he did not enjoy it as she wanted it ROUGH. Going home he said, was no longer anything to look forward to after work, because he knew there was more WORK to be done. He started staying at work late, or going out for a drink to delay arrival at home. He said he eventually realised that he could not satisfy her wanton appetite. She subsequently started having sexual affairs with two other men, to supplement what she was getting at home. She actually confessed this to him and admitted that she realized that her appetite was indeed abnormal.
This guy says he would get married again, BUT, he says he would be quite happy to meet a woman who only needs to have sex once per month. Hey! Maybe I should introduce this guy to my starved eczema patient!! Perhaps they could exchange wives and then everyone would live happily ever after! Or at least, I hope so. 
Comments??
October 30th, 2002 at 10:14 pm Well… What a novel idea.
October 31st, 2002 at 2:41 am You’re such a good physician! You would fit in quite well where my doctor works. There are many caring docs at that clinic and a good dermatologist is needed…….
October 31st, 2002 at 7:04 am Hey Goddess, do you think I could do the job via the net using a webcam and mic to see patients???
October 31st, 2002 at 10:34 am Been There Done That….declined the T-Shirt. Thankfully that is behind me…as is evidenced by my single handed attempts to overpopulate the planet
October 31st, 2002 at 9:33 pm I think there is just no way to tell what will happen when you get married. The lady who needs a lot of work would probably in the old days have been pregnant and bearing babies for most of her adult life if the couple were fertile.That may have given her husband a break. Her sex drive in one sense is just a way to pass her genes along. Lots of interesting work is being done to determine if humans have evolved as monagamous creatures or not.(see “sperm wars”). I think the internet is providing a way for people with high sex drives a way to get together without having to troll at bars or health clubs. Just look at the adds at a website like adultfriendfinder.com, amazing but serves a purpose. That poor working man needs a big bottle of viagra just so he can work it out.Reminds me of those jokes where the moral is you have to be careful of what you ask for,usually they start with”a man picks up an old bottle on the beach and when he rubbed it to clean it off a genie appeared and granted him 3 wishes…”
November 1st, 2002 at 8:42 am Its interesting that most people never seem to bother checking out the sexual drive of their partner before marriage. At the risk of appearing naive, if I was married and my wife needed more sex, then sex she would have. I haven’t yet met the woman who has had more sexual energy than me…humm, I wonder if I’m abnormal. Anyway, even in my condition, I wouldn’t want a woman who has very little appetite in bed. As far as I am concerned, its my job to get the sex done by whatever means necessary.
November 1st, 2002 at 8:44 pm Yes Kruger, seems as if you are equal to the task of WORK despite your ’situation’. I will have to see what can be arranged. We shall talk bro.!!!!
November 3rd, 2002 at 6:39 pm Doc, anytime.
November 4th, 2002 at 12:36 am Even more interesting that no one bothered to check the wife’s (the one with the low sex drive) hormone levels. That’s my first suspicion. Regardless of why… I can see why it might cause some probs. Once a month is wayyyyyyy too low.