Boys Will Be Boys!!
Yesterday I got a call from KD# 2’s (who is 12 going on 13) school. There had been an “altercation” and # 2 was wanting to come home. The teacher thought it would be good if he did. I, on the other hand did not!
He has been having problems with a kid in his class. This kid has realized that #2 is a very sensative boy and that he can goad him into losing his temper. For days, weeks even # 2 has been coming home complaining about this boy and trying to keep his cool. However, yesterday the pot boiled over!
They were playing basketball during French class (no…I am not sure what basketball has to do with learning French!). No 2 got the ball away from the kid and so the kid pushed him, at which point #2 started to walk away, but the the kid called him a “Fat Ass” - (# 2 has not yet grown tall enough for his weight and is rather conscious of that fact, although he is also very broad of chest and back and rather strong).
Needless to say, #2 turned around and instantly had the kid in a head lock on the asphalt of the playground!!!!! They ended up in the office with the teacher calling me. He ended up staying at school because I refused to let them send him home or to go for him. They were not at the point where they were going to suspend him fortunately.
This scenario has happened a few times to #2 but this is the first time he has actually done any more than push the offender back. The school thinks he has a bad temper…which he does, but he never starts the incident and it is never a single incident that leads to his anger. It takes weeks of being teased or bothered before # 2 retaliates.
My frustration with this is that although he is never the instigator, he is the one getting the label of having a “violent” temper (the school’s word). I have a slight problem understanding how come the teachers never can realize that he is being bothered until he blows? Why don’t they have a anti-bullying program in the school?
Of course, he does get slightly mixed messages at home too. I tell him to use his words….and truly, I am not particular if these words are nice or cuss words. Popsy however, tells him to “just punch the kid out”. Things used to be solved very easily this way many years ago, unfortunately, now there is Zero Tolerance in the schools the children can be expelled from the entire school board, not just the school!
What with kids bringing guns to school etc. I realize that he has to somehow be taught to be calmer in these situations, to not let these things get to him so very much, but HOW on earth do you teach a sensative child that? The principal and the teachers in the meeting this morning made a comment about boys being boys and children needing a way to let off steam and I thought to myself….but the school system does not allow them to do this….#3 was telling me just this morning before school that his problem at school yesterday was that a group of them were playing tag and they were told that they could not touch the other kids to tag them out. Now, how do you play tag without touching the other kids?
Have we as a society become so politically correct when it comes to the “Hands-off” policy at schools that children can no longer even play tag? Although we are so politically correct in this matter, why has the powers that be in the schools not been able to deal with bullies and cases of bullyism. Sure the parents are to be blamed as well, but where do we start in an effort to put an end to the bully mentality.
I suggested to these teachers that they have a role playing activity in the class room, encouraging the kids to see what bullying is and how to deal with it as well as to encourage friends to try to keep each other calm in these situations. I know that one of # 2’s peers telling him that —hole is not worth the effort would be much better received that his Mom telling him that. Of course, I am am not talking about 4-8 year olds here.
The one thing I do know however, is that I am not going to let the blame fall only on #2 when it comes to instances like this.
Maybe I should reinforce some of the good ole Jamaican bad words too…..Seven was muchly scandalized when I told her that I had taught them some. After all, they need to know their culture..nuh true.
What do you think?
September 30th, 2004 at 8:57 pm Wow, tough one. I take it all this is happening in Canada. You know, I agree with you that #2 doesn’t seem to be the instigator, but in the end, if he is the one dominating the conflict, unfortunately, they are the ones that get singled out. I am not saying this is right, that is how it was even when I went to school in the U.S. This reminds me of a commercial, and if you can get #2 to practice this, it may actually help. There are two cars at a stop light. One is a muscle car, and one is a BMW. The muscle car is revving up challenging the BMW to a drag race. When the light turns green both cars scream off the line, but the BMW stops about 2 feet off the line. Then you hear the announcer say, “You know you could, so you don’t have to” or somethign like that. Point is, I would not want my kid to grow upto be a push over either, but on the same hand, I don’t want them to get kicked out of school. I would try to instil the physical confidence in him through something like Tae Kwon Do, but teach him (and they will in Tae Kwon Do) that even though you could beat the tar out of the other kid, it is better to just walk away knowing you could and you are better. Anyway, this is a very hard problem. Luckily for me, I have not had to face it (yet).
October 1st, 2004 at 8:34 am I am happy that your son is not allowing the odda bwoy to get away with the bullying crap. I understand your concern about possible expulsion from school. But, we live in a world where we all need to be able to protect ourselves from others. Mek him cuss some good claat yes, and if necessary, as Popsy says, lick him dung a ground! (Just make sure none of the teachers see! )
October 1st, 2004 at 6:01 pm I do relate to #2 Ciya. As a former sensitive child (especially with respect to weight as well) who was bullied time and time again, I feel it for him. Sadly, when I went to Mona Prep, I used to get picked on a lot too and the teachers never did anything…until I hit back after being pushed just one time too much. Suddenly, I’m told how much bigger I am than these children that are bullying me and that I hurt them when I hit them–what about me dammit? I’m glad the kid had the guts to stand up for himself though, but I suppose it’s one of those things where you either walk away from the conflict [and get branded as a coward and be picked on even more] or fight it out and get branded by the school as a violent child. Well, there is also the 3rd option…wait till after school, grab him from behind and pull his shirt over his head, then beat the crap out of him {arf,arf}
October 2nd, 2004 at 12:53 pm Ciya, sometimes a boys just gotta do what a boys gotta do.He should try to beat the other kids up outside the school though, if possible. Or maybe he could link up with some other tough/sensitive kid at another school. WHen they trouble the other kid, the other kid can call him to beat the crap out of the kid’s tormentor. and when someone bullies him, he can call the other tough/sensitive kid from the other school to handle the case. That way, they just beat the crap out of a kid from another school then beat it! Unless someone identifies them, its a foolproof way to kick some butt and get away with it! What do you think?
October 2nd, 2004 at 1:23 pm Fortunately, they do not get a chance to see each other outside of school, because they live in separate towns anyway. But, being as #2 is really actually bigger than the kid, he could conceivably hurt him and besides, these days parents call the cops and as long as you are over 12 years old you can get charged. !!!
October 3rd, 2004 at 10:01 am Can you imagine if people call police pon us in Jamaica when we was pikny if we did fight. Dem doh have dat much police.
October 4th, 2004 at 1:07 am Do you all join me in saying “F… the ssick columbine killing kids et al that have gone and f….. up a perfectly normal childhood. I can’t recall if we’ve discussed this before, but Midas and i don’t yet have kids. While i truly cannot imagine being 50 and childless, I have to admit we feel no great call to rush either. The world is set up AGAINST parnts right now… Don’rt know how y’all do it!!!!
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