Tower Of Babel

Well, you all know how blogging can be. Some days you have whole heap o suppem to chat about. Others, not a fart a gwaan. Well, basically I’m up the creek this morning, so rather than waste your time and ramble along here saying nutten, I’m going to try the standup comedy thing again. I hope that Scratchie and Angry Dawg will find this one to their liking. If not, den a jus life!

A newly wed Jamaican fireman came home from work one day and said to his wife:

“Y’know sumptin, honey, we have a wonderful system at de fire station.
Bell 1 rings - we put on de jackets.
Bell 2 rings - we slide down de pole.
Bell 3 rings - we jump on de ingine and we’s ready to go.”

“From now on,
When I says ‘Bell one’ I want you to strip naked.
When I says Bell two’, you jump on de bed.
When I says ‘Bell tree’, we’s gonna mek love all tru de night.”

The next night he came home and shouted
“Bell One” and she stripped naked.
“Bell Two” and she jumped on the bed.
“Bell Tree”, and they started to make love.
After a few minutes the wife yelled out “Bell Four”.
“What de rass is ‘Bell Four’, woman?”
She replied: “Roll out more hose, man, you ain’t nowhere near de fire.”

I hope rude bwoy had more fire hose still…..

Have a good day.

I got him good! He was so very surprised! I had told him the party was for a friend of ours and that it was a surprise. He even went as far as to ask me what “ruse” they were using to get the “birthday boy” there. I told him that I did not have a clue!!!!! This is just about 15 minutes before we went to the party ourselves.

When everyone shouted suprise he started to back through the door, except that another friend (who had been on the look out for us) and I were right behind him. He started to say that it wasn’t his party and I told him that it was!

He had a great time. He was thrilled!!!! He had no clue whatsoever. Popsy is a very dress-down type of guy, so he went in his jeans and a sweater. I made a half hearted attempt at getting him to change into something a little dressier but it did not work, so I did not push it.

I danced until the wee hours of the morning and a fun time was had by all. We did not get home until 2:30 and to bed until after 3:00! Needless to say, I am still on the tired side of things and my feet are still screaming at me and the kness have decided to join the fight too!!!! THANK GOD I’M AM NOT 50!!!

Anyway, everything went very well. Thanks for all your wishes. The actually birthday is on Wednesday, December 1. So we will be going to his mother’s for supper then.

Well, I don’t have much to report this morning. Rather than getting blues since its Monday, let’s all embrace the week to come…. that way it may just pass quickly. (I doubt it!)

Anyway, being on call for the whole weekend I never got much extracurricular activity in. Thankfully, the hospital didn’t bother me much. No complaints.

You know, as I had sort of lost interest in football after our team’s chances of making it to Germany in ‘06 got screwed, I forgot about the Caribbean Cup! Well, Jamaica defeated Haiti last night at the stadium to progress to the next round of the contest. I suppose congrats are in order.

On the same sport, look like the JFF considering hiring Lazaroni, the Brazilian to develop local football. Hmm. Everybody did check seh since we got left in the quest to Germany that his bags were packed to head back home to Samba country (I was hoping to I could hold inna one o him suitcase still…. as dem chicas suppose to well irie!)…seems not. I wonder what sort of salary package they planning? Is not small money him was working fah before.

Last nite, I watched Royal Palm Estate, looking out to see if Daddy D would feature. He didn’t. But there was much discussion ’bout Inspector Madden and the rape charge. So I suppose either next week or the one after I may see mi Pops a pose as a Judge trying the case!

I have been informed that I should get my wheels back tomorrow. I hope so, dem better don’t come wid nuh shyte or man going cuss and gwaan bad. Anyway, let me hope they keep to their word. Keep blogging and have a good week.

Hail up everybody….if you nuh wake yet, is bout time!
OK, I guess you might have surmised that I am up a bit early. See, being on call, I never went street in search of Friday nite get away from it all entertainment last night. I basically kept mi backside quiet with pager and cell phone within earshot in case the hospital called. Guess what….they didn’t!

Watched some TV and at ’bout 10:30 I was getting a bit thirsty. So, I poured a one rum and Pepsi and enjoyed that, used it essentially as a night cap. I really doh like to drink solo…much better to have company…bredrin or a lass(es), hence I had only one drink. In case the hospital had called, I would have still been functional. Went bed about 11, so here I am up at 8. Been up for about an hour already.

Been doing some blog surfing, but plenty o onoo naw write nutten! Nevertheless, it seems my ham recipe was a hit. Scratchie all mention it in him last post. Thanks for all who commented and I hope I can get some positive feedback from those who try it. Jus bear in mind…if it spoil is cause you never follow the recipe properly! (That’s the disclaimer in fine print…caan deal wid nuh lawsuit!)

So, what is up with this picture? Well, as a service to you, my faithful readers, and having a bit of time on hands this AM, I decided to take a picture inside my study…where the DELL resides. It shows a part of the top of my bookshelf. Said bookshelf was given to me by mi bredrin and sistren Mad Bull and Natty when they decided to flash Jamaica for the Cayman Islands. Gracias again to you both.

Now the top shelf of the bookcase I have made into an area where I put little things that I collect…souvenirs of travel and oddities. Actually, there is not much space left for anything else and I may need to delegate another shelf in time. That glass tubular thing in the back is my Galileo thermometer. Purchased that in Florida earlier this year. I have been mentioning that things here been nice and cool recently. (Yes, me know seh all a you up inna Canada balls a freeze out rass! Hush.) Now the way the thing works is that the temperature falls between the numbers on the spherical ball at the the top (floating) and the next. The one at the top presently reads 80F. The next one down is 76F. So, the temperature is somewhere between 76 and 80F. Yeah, some of you might be wondering what the hell dat haffi do with cool climes. Hey, anything below an ambient temperature of 85-90F here is cool. I never told you to go tek up residence in dem freezers..zeen. So, nice weather here. Nevertheless, rather than bore you anymore with my trivial post, let me truncate here, go rustle up some breakfast and head in to do my ward round a bit early. Have a good weekend and post suppem nuh.

Bwoy di blog quiet fi true dis weekend!

Well, here I am at 2:40am on Saturday morning, not able to sleep. Today is the big surprise party for Popsy and my mind runeth over with plans!

I am pretty much prepared. The trunk of the car is packed with all the things that I will need to decorate the hall. I have been hiding them around the house for the past few weeks. The cakes have been picked up. I have delegated, delegated, delegated. Not to mention lied, schemed and manipulated di Man!

I believe that he does not know yet. I told him we were invited to a surprise party for one of our friends and I have milked that story quite well. I am even buying a card for the pseudo-party boy. We have had much discussion about who we think will be at the party etc. We had gone out last weekend too and he had wondered if that was going to be a surprise party for him….it was not ofcourse.

But I do wish I could fall asleep, after all, I have to be bright eyed later.

Anyway, mi gwan go try to sleep again!

Well, it is Friday again….even though I go on call from 8 AM today until 8 AM on Monday, let me say TGIF! I still nuh get back mi wheels, kinda frustrating when a man doh have him own trans-p. Anyway, I am hoping for early next week. Yesterday was payday, so me likkle more flexible financially. Yow Scratchie ….now is a good time to beg a smalls towards you fees!

Anyhow, you can see that I basically jus a lime and not getting into the meat of the post….perhaps because I feel like I could go back to bed, sleep late and just skull work….but that is not really my style still.

From my reading, it seems all of the de man dem inna de CARICOM blogging community are all ham demons…myself included. Nutten wrong wid dat….for me pork is the sweetest meat! In other words….dis Doc nuh have nuh rastafarian in him at all….I kill de trenton! Now, I not showing off, but for a number of years I been the one baking the hams for this home. Started quite a while before Mummy passed away. She used to do them, but always needed some manpower to help her take it out and put back into the oven while baking it…..Daddy was famous for purchasing some 16-18 pound mofos them times. So, over the years watching Mummy, I learned how to bake ham and eventually, it sorta became my job so to speak, with her playing more of a supervisory role. She would dictate when the skin should be removed and when it was ‘done’. Zeen? So, for all mi bredrins who may have to bake their owna ham this Christmas…or who may wish to impress wifey or your favourite lady by doing it yourself….what follows is a fairly simple ‘recipe’.

Ham baking for rude boyz, made simple.
You will need….
1 ham (duuh) Now what size you purchase will be determined by how many mouths you plan to feed, how long you want it to last and of course, how much dinero man haffi spend. Personally, I prefer a leg ham that is about in the 10-14 pound range. If the weight is quoted in Kilogrammes, remember one Kg. is about 2.2 pounds. I find the very large legs, like 18 pounds too big, they take too long to bake and sometimes because they take a long time to finish may dry out in the fridge. Also bear in mind that in baking as much as 2 pounds of the weight is lost in juices, trimmings and melt down of fat and removal of skin.
A large enough baking tray or pyex dish.
Aluminium foil.
Stuff for basting…orange juice, pineapple juice, honey, brown sugar…I have even seen June Plum juice mentioned but have never tried it (maybe this year?). You can select which baste you wish to use, or a combination is fine.
Cloves
Canned Pineapple slices
Maraschino cherries

Allow the ham to thaw properly…either from overnight or early in the morning. Nowadays, most of the commercially made ones do not require any damn boiling… (who the hell has time for that anyway?)

Remove the ham from its packaging, (that includes the mesh covering on the inside). Preheat the oven to 375 F. Line the baking tray/pyex dish with aluminium foil…be generous…cleaning up a tray with baked on greasy stuff might mek you cuss plenty claat and your lady may not offer to do it for you. (Failing that, the disposable aluminum baking trays are a joy! )

Place the ham into the baking tray skin side up. Cover the ham securely with foil. Place in the oven. Baking time is approximately 15 minutes per pound. So, for a twelve pounder, about three hours.

About halfway through the baking time, remove the ham from the oven and take off the foil. By this time, the skin should be starting to shrink and come away from the fatty part of the ham. Remove the skin…..you should be able to do this fairly easily without using brute force, if not, it needs to bake a bit longer before removing the skin. DO NOT DISPOSE OF THE SKIN!!! That stuff is wonderful to chew on…yes, I know its full of fat, cholesterol and all that shyte, but it tastes irie especially if it is crisp (crackling). In addition, it can be frozen and then cut into smaller pieces to add flavour to your gungo rice and peas. Lawd me getting hungry now.

After removing the skin, you will now see the fatty side of the ham facing upwards. Take a fairly sharp knife and make long slits into the fat until you have a sort of checkerboard appearance on the surfce of the ham. Insert cloves into the slits, rub some brown sugar and drizzle a couple tablespoons of the baste of your choice into the meat. Replace into the oven but do not cover with foil anymore…you are trying to get the fat to take on a lovely golden brown colour (similar to what you may be attracted to while pripsing a kriss gyal profiling in a bikini/thong on a white sand Caribbean beach as you sip on a well cold Red Stripe! ) About every 15 minutes, check the ham for doneness by sticking a fork into the meat. Drizzle with more baste. The ham is done when very little or no more juice stops coming from it when you stick it with the fork. Usually, once the skin is removed, depending on the size of the ham, there may only be about an hour to hour and a half of baking time left. I personally prefer to take it out just a bit early…if it is overdone and dry, its horrible….meat mus have likkle juice inna it for me…..I mean…who likes to eat dry meat? (I being me usual rude bwoy self here. Apology to the ladies who may be reading.)

When the baking is over, remove it from the oven and allow it to cool well (a few hours) before placing in the fridge. Do not slice it hot, the meat will break up. Of course, you are allowed to sample it still. Dress it up with your pineapple slices and cherries. Some people put the pineapple slices on the ham in the last 20-30 minutes of cooking…I don’t. I like to have nuff juice from the pineapple while eating and baking it dries them out.

When slicing the meat, always remember that you slice the meat perpendicular to the direction that the muscle fibres run in…not parallel to the fibres. Enjoy! Best served chilled, and to help pass the baking time, a bredrin is nice to have over to share some VX. If it fail doh blame me a rass….after all, I am a Dermatologist..not a chef!

When coming down to the bone, don’t discard that either…that wikid when you boil it down in gungo peas soup! Awoah. Let me know how it turn out my crew.

“INCUBUS: n. evil spirit believed to visit sleeper: nightmare; oppressive person or thing.” THE LITTLE OXFORD DICTIONARY

The weirdest thing happened to me about 4 weeks ago. I was asleep and dreaming. I was in a room that was enclosed, not quite a prison, but there was a feeling of being “detained”. I was lying down on my stomach and felt a PRESENCE coming towards me from behind. At first I thought it was Popsy and I must have been in a semi-awake state because I remember thinking “OOOHHH erotic dream alert!!!…could be fun!!!!!” I started to turn my head to smile at him when suddenly, there was a feeling of overwhelming EVIL……….
Read more »

No, it is no holiday here. In fact I’m having breakfast while I type and then will flash from here to go thru the cuarto de bano (bathroom) routine before heading out to work. Anyhow, even though it isn’t a holiday for me, let me wish those of you celebrating Thanksgiving a good one.

The Gleaner has a number of articles that I found interesting today. The lead story reports that Paul Gooden was found guilty of murdering his wife. Now, I don’t know all the details about the case and wasn’t a juror, but I feel that from what was shared with the public, the jury made the right decision, like in the case of Scott Peterson in the US. BTW, has he been sentenced yet?

There has been much talk of Christmas, its true meaning, what people like to do for Christmas and so on in the blogging community. Well, I have to confess that the food and drink that we usually enjoy at this time of the year….namely HAM, sorrel and gungo peas are among my favourites. I had my first drink of sorrel for the ’season’ two days ago….nice! Now, this morning, there is a little article that highlights all the good stuff about the red festive drink. Read about it here.

Now I am glad to learn all of this as I tend to drink it nuff at this time of the year when it is available. All fine and dandy….but you see, I really should not indulge in sorrel as it is not good for me. (Well, won’t be the first and last thing that exists that I should not indulge in….but hey…a man haffi live, zeen?! ) Why should I really not drink sorrel…or at least not in any great quantity….well, the article fails to mention that sorrel is full of oxalates. (So is calaloo..suppem else that I kill on a regular basis!) See, I have had two episodes of passing kidney stones a number of years back. Since then, I am supposed to be on a low protein, low uric acid, low oxalate diet. Well, I must confess, I haven’t really been doing so. Anyway, let me not goat mout miself. I haven’t passed any stones for years and I had an ultrasound about year ago which was normal…I wasn’t making any new stones. Yes, I confess…doctors don’t have to practice what they preach. Basically, I am admitting to y’all that I’m just another regular rude bwoy. Lets hope all remains fine with them stones…I tell you….that rass pain name renal colic mek big man bawl! So, I hope I can hold some more sorrel probably with lunch today.

Last but not least, you may have heard me mention Cuddyz…the new Sports Bar here. I have now been there about six times and must confess that it has lost its novelty with me. Not that I won’t go back, but let us seh it nuh hold me as much as it did originally. Basically, anything in life that you do too often can become boring. Yes, that applies to Vit S as well. Nevertheless, Cuddyz has been reviewed in the Gleaner today. Foodwise, from what I have eaten there I guess you can consider the fare like a game of cricket….some balls you score well and lick dem weh fe six. Others, well, you may not be so lucky and jus get bowled out. I guess if you want to know what tastes good, you jus haffi try you luck and hope seh dem nuh come at you wid a fast ball that you caan do nutten bout but duck! Regards the bar….I have no problem with that apart from that sometimes the rum dem a bit too dilute and its a bit more pricey than drinking at a more ‘local’ spot shall we say. Anyhow, I will go back, just not as often as I was before. And, since today is no vacation here, let me forget ’bout Cuddyz for the time and prepare myself to go earn a bread. Later.

OK, you know one of the things I like about blogging is how sponatneous it can be sometimes. As much as I try to be a pretty organized individual, I find that in life some of the stuff that can really bring us enjoyment are the spur of the moment things that we can get into. Feel free to agree or disagee with me, and I’m sure I don’t need to give you hard examples. Just stretch your imagination. Anyway, I am rambling.

I was reading a post over at the Bajan bredrin JDid (who I need to add to my links…..hold strain dude…..it will be done in time) and his post reminded me of an experience I had while in Tobago.

Now, one of the things that I find pretty interesting is the various names that people from the different islands of the Caribbean have for the same things. I wonder if that would change if we were one united Caribbean without the sea between our shores? That I suppose is the topic of another post. Feel free to take it on BTW, I’m sure we could all fill up the comment box with our own thoughts. Again…I straying from the point! Worse, this is post number two for the day…..

The Sunday morning when I was to return home to Jamrock from Tobago, I had to wake well early to catch the BWIA flight that was scheduled to leave at 7:40 AM. We were told that we should reach airport ’bout 90 minutes before scheduled departure. So fine, reach airport by 6-6:10, we shoulda kriss. Now, I need to tell you that Saturday nite into morning was our banquet which is the culmination of the conference. Man, I dance so ’till me had to tek off jacket and tie, pull buttons pon shirt etc. The only thing my shirt would have needed to be washed was soap…it was drenched in sweat from the dancing me and a Jamaican sistren Dermatologist who living in the UK was putting down. Music did sweet and Appleton VX (carried from home) was a flow! Anyhow, at 1:30 AM the DJ nuh lock down!

Went and paid hotel bill before hitting the shower and dropping into a deep sleep…tiyad from dancing with headache from the lika. Phone in de hotel room rings at 5 AM (wake up call)…I am like…..a who de rass a phone me now…forget seh me travelling. Taxi suppose to come to pick us up at 5:45……..If you can indulge further then click more nuh…..cause more deh deh fe tell…
Read more »

Yow, how is your day going so far? Well, mine is alright, but let me just share some thoughts. First off, I had mentioned that the nicer shots that I took in Tobago were running low, so I might not have had any more to post. Well, I still found another….taken from the same cliff overlooking the sea. I could easily see myself there enjoying the light breeze, looking out to the horizon and having a Red Stripe….well, Red Stripe hardly exists down South, so perhaps I would haffi hold a Carib or Stag. I did try both and found the Stag better. Hope you like this picture….not many left that can post.

Anyway, this morning I got out of bed at my usual 6:30…I could easily have slept for longer cause man tiyad still…I never made it home ’till 8:45 PM last night. When I am making my way towards the end of the passage from my room to go to put the kettle on inna de kitchen, I see not one, but TWO massive croaking lizards at the end of the passage! Now, those of you who been reading the site long enough know seh me and dem doh too keep company! And you waan see dem to….all a look pon me wid attitude…like dem a seh….”Pass if you bad nuh!” Anyway, eventually they both ran to hide behind pictures and I went to the kitchen to make my tea. Decided to forfeit the Earl Grey today and jus hold regular Lipton Yellow. The morning is nice and cool. According to my Galileo thermometer (maybe I will post a pic of it soon) its about 76 Farenheit now.

I log on to the computer (my regular routine) and scan through the Gleaner on line. Two stories got my attention. One makes me feel a bit sad, the other has me smiling.

Let me deal with the unhappy tale first. Seems three young men drowned in the Great River. Pity. Every now and again, this sort of thing happens. I can imagine how saddened their families are. I wonder to myself….was it that they really could not swim? Now, despite the fact that this country is surrounded by water, many of our people really cannot swim. Or, is it that this part of the river is really dangerous? Whatever it is, may they rest in peace in the arms of the Almighty.

Now, on to the one that made me smile. Jamaica has produced a number of comedians….Charles Hyatt, Oliver Samuels, Bello and Blacka are a few that come to mind. Rahtid, even yours truly has tried standup comedy…albeit with varying degrees of success! Yow, sometime dem laugh, sometime not. Is life, you caan win everyting….zeen? Anyway, I digress a bit. (Probably the tea working now, and I kinda like when a blog post is written spontaneously as the thoughts flood my brain.)

Any of you know another of our comedians…..name Tony Hendricks AKA Paleface? Well, Paleface a shock out I tell you. Apparently he was invited to take part in some Black Comedian Awards ceremony in the UK. Some of you might be wondering that it kinda ironic, cause him nuh look black at all. Well, that’s besides the point. Screw the fact seh him is a ‘white’ Jamaican…..remember our motto, “Out of many, one people.”

On the way back from Tobago, on account of BWIA’s slackness (I still haven’t written about it here), eventually, Air Jamaica had to rescue us. Well, guess who was on video there? Nuh de said Paleface. When I tell you, me and nuff people inna de vicinity who were watching the little screen with the headphones a laugh out rass pon de plane. All I can say is a hearty “Big Up” to the pale one.

So, I guess this morning I prepare to head out to the grind with mixed emotions. I hope the rest of the day is filled with happiness and laughter only, and as this is an equal opportunity site, may I wish the same for all crew who pass by here. Respec due!