YIKES!!!! Mi Really Doh KNow…
Well, tonight we watched bits and pieces of Katie Couric’s special on NBC about teens and sex…
Oh my God!!! I don’t know that I can handle parenting!!! Did any of you see it? What did you think?
There was this panel of teenagers - I’d guess 11th - 12th grade level - frankly discussing their thoughts and feelings about sex on national tv.
They talked alot about oral sex, and the fact that many practise it, because its not “REAL SEX” (never mind that the American public would gladly lay the blame for that on Bill Clinton’s doorsteps - I did NOT have sexual relations with THAT woman - fame! Niggah, please - oral sex has represented a safe form of sex for alot longer than that!!!)
The whole discussion brought so many issues to my mind. I had to keep reminding myself of who I was and what I was up to at each age… I mean, at 18, I was working as a Flight Attendant!!! (A Big Woman, in my own mind…)
What is really amazing to me is the deep impact the lessons our parents give have on us, despite the fact that we do not practice them ourselves… We grow up still believing that’s how things SHOULD be…
Or, maybe that’s because I don’t have kids yet… I know I give my sister Ciya, with her teenage kids, the highest respect for the relationship, friendship and openness she has maintained with each of her kids!!! Many of you will attest to this, and I have another really good friend that says this… the fact is that our generation’s parents failure to be open led to your being the way you are with your kids now in order to bridge the gap you yourself felt…
Man, I don’t know! All I can say is that watching the show tonight not only reiterated the fact, but stated it out loud that the world today is set up AGAINST parenting… It just mek mi worse-fraid!!! I’m so old-fashioned in so many ways!!!! I don ‘t think I can handle it….
I asked Midas again tonight - Do you think we should have kids now? He said not yet…
For me, its not yet, because truth be told, as a person who would be a parent, I’m just not ready. I’m not a full-fledged biatch yet! I’m still too worried about people liking me to be a good parent! And yet, today’s society is set up for kids not to like their parents… so I think I’d be in torture!!!
But I gotta pose the question - what was your discovery of sex like and how do you feel about your kids discovering sex?
January 27th, 2005 at 11:35 am Hi Seven-I didn’t watch the show but I saw excerps. I don’t think you have a thing to worry about. The way your parents raised you should be big assurance when you raise your won. Another things is to watch for the company they keep. Yeah-sex in teenagers is a scary thing as one who has an almost 18 year old. Communication and being raised with good values, plus Midas with shotgun should dissipate any premature thoughts in your future kids to think before doing. Also, I found that it helped that my child was raised during her formative years in the islands and not the U.S.
January 27th, 2005 at 9:52 pm Hi 7, I didn’t see that show but I caught a part of a show with Montel along the same lines. The kids tell tales of the games being played. One said that they wear bands on their wrist in different colours. I someone walks by and breaks a band they do whatever the band represents. One girl said white or pink was to flash their tits and another colour was for oral sex and another was for all the way etc. Unbelievable!!! One little girl about 16 is now showing the 1st signs of cervical cancer because of repeated unprotected sex since she was 12 years old. I was literally in shock watching the rest of the programme. You would have thought they were speaking with experienced hookers. Some of them know more stuff than me.
January 28th, 2005 at 11:37 am Scratchie, I was shocked out of my skin at the things these teenagers were talking about doing…
January 28th, 2005 at 4:24 pm Well I don’t know about the rest of you, but I will certainly not be tolerating that kind of behavior. Why should my kid have more fun than I did?
January 30th, 2005 at 11:40 am SEVEN!!!!!! Stop this foolishness about you not being ready for parenting. You know what is right and you know what values you need to share with your children. You and Midas will make good parents. I believe that we were riased with similar values by our families and none of us are any worse off for it today IMHO. Let me say that a lot of what I ‘discovered’ about sex/sexuality was gleaned from friends, magazines and movies. I was by no means the most ‘experienced’ in my high school years (if what the others were saying was true). What (and how early) many children/teens are doing sexually nowadays is indeed appalling. I recently met a First Former who has been treated for STIs and has already had one termination. The ‘father’ of the child was a second former! Rahtid, when I was that age, sex was suppem I had wild dreams about. The world in which we live today has nothing hidden. It makes no sense to hide sexuality from children…especially teens. All they need to know is even more out there than it was when we were teens. Parenting today will require you to be very open with your offspring about what is and is not permitted. It will definitely involve you introducing them to safe sex/condom use and contraceptives to prevent unwanted pregnancy as well as their health. Of course, as I have none of my own as yet, this may be easier to say than to implement if and when I am blessed with fatherhood by God. I could go on, but don’t want to hog up anymore space.
February 1st, 2005 at 4:27 pm Seven, I agree with Dr. D. …Stop di foolishness! Child raising is indeed a time consuming, stressful business, but what of the family background of these children on the show. Were they having as open communication with their parents as they were having on the show…it is a sad state of things that some kids might feel it was easier to tell these things to the world than to their parents in the privacy of their own homes. I have had this very same conversation with Kidlets No 1 and 2. Except here oral sex was called “Dry sex”. I did have to fight to remain in a general state of calmness, however, if I could do that anyone can….I simply told them that no sex was “dry or not really sex” and I continue to have regular conversations, initiated by me about sex with them. I want my children to know a number of things about sexuality and the giving of oneself to another person. One is that the it is a precious gift and not to be given to every Tom, Dick, Harry or in the case of the boys…Mary, Jane or Amy. I also wanted them to know that it is a natural act, not something that needs to be giggled at behind closed doors or whispered about or not spoken about with those of us who have actually experienced it and have some knowledge of the act….It is amazing the types of conversations and the things that are said in ignorance at school. I am also trying to demystify it a bit so that they know it is not sinful nor illegal. I believe that when teenagers think that something is bad that thing holds more allure for them to try. So if we demystify it by talking about it, showing them the dangers of their actions etc then hopefully we will have some effect on their choices throughout these difficult years. Thirdly, I wanted my children to know that we are all sexual beings….including their parents and for them not to be bashful or upset by that fact….that is not to say that Popsy and I think they should be our audience by any means, but I think children should realize that their parents were in the position that they are in now and that we can talk to them about the feelings that they have during their teenage years. p.s. If Popsy were to read this he would be adding “the thoughts and views of my wife are not necessarily my own”. He tends to not want to talk about SEX at all with his children especially with his daughter! Lastly, I truly believe that burying our heads in the sand about how teenagers view sex is absolutely the wrong thing to do….COMMUNICATION is definitely the key. Go ahead and have children Seven….they would be so cute and my kids need some more cousins!!!!, just remember that you always have to be prepared for them to grow up, get boyfriends/girlfriends and the possibility that they may have sex and that eventually they ARE GOING TO LEAVE THE SAFETY OF YOUR HOME. The important thing is to give them the love and support throughout their lives that when this time comes, they are responsible, contributing human beings…who come back home regularly to visit.
February 3rd, 2005 at 9:45 am It is true Seven, having children can be one of the most scary things you could ever experience. When you reach home with the baby you are going to look and realize that this isnt a doll..this is different from when i was carrying the child ..HEY! THIS IS A LIVING THING! It is really up to you if you feel you are ready because when that child is born, you will be faced with a lot of responsibility and decisions on your own, even if you have a husband. They dont come with a booklet and more times than one you will wonder…”am I doing the right thing?…did I handle that in the right way?” NOt to mention some people will be telling you that everything that is a problem with this child is YOUR fault! I have learned to ignore them but in the beginning I was planning assinations daily on the said people who used to ask me ” So? you not having any children?….time running out y’nuh…yu not getting any younger..” etc. etc. Do what is best for you and yours and when the time is right , if it does seem right.. it will be your turn.. So I say, “everybody can chat y’hear..”
February 3rd, 2005 at 9:50 am Now that I have one, I wish I had at least three!