Tower Of Babel

Well, today’s post is sharing a chat I had with a patient at work on Tuesday. Have a young dude who I have been seeing since he was about nine, he is now sixteen. He has a chronic skin problem which in the last three or so years has been controlled with no medication, so we see him say every four months to check that he is alright. In the last three weeks, he called asking us to see him before his appointment as something seems to have developed. We granted that favour. He specifically asks me to see him since I know him from long time, and the others don’t.

Now, dude has become a typical teenager, getting hair sprouting on him face, voice getting deep and ting….obsessed with his cell phone…telling me he wants a new one. I ask why. “Some of the buttons on this one not working….and this one can’t tek picture. I want a camera phone.” So I ask him if he knows how much those cost and tell him that my phone cyaan tek picha. Now, he is from a home where money is not exactly flowing, but his mother tries. Don’t ask me what happen to his father. He is doing very well in school, and I usually try to encourage him to keep at it.

While I’m seeing him, he says he wants to ask me suppem, but him ‘fraid. I told him that he can ask me anything, he must not fret. He still hesitant. I surmise is some ‘man talk’ he want to have. Eventually, he asks me if it is “OK for him to start having sex.” I ask him to explain. He says he has a girl who he been ‘talking to’. So, I ask him if he sure is just talk them talking and nutten more. He says yes. He insists that he has not yet started having sex…with anyone. But, he says he thinking about it with this girl.

He goes on to explain that during holidays recently, she invited him over to her house…she lives down the road from him. They were listening to music, and she telling him that she love him. (Apparently, no adults were around.) He tells me that she kissed him, pulled down his zipper and proceeds to take out his manhood and play wid it. Now, I can’t blame the yute for allowing things to proceed as they did, I was once a teenager myself and I think I would have done the same. Dude says she telling him she wants to have sex, rubbing him up and he get all hard on her, but decided not to go all the way. He says that she told him that his penis is too small! He said that made him feel ashamed, so he zipped up and went home.

I asked him how old the girl was….he say she is TWELVE!! Now, what the backside a twelve year old gyal pickney know ’bout penis size….I doh know. Clearly she either playing round, or quite experienced. I told him to stay far from her, and that if he did have sex with a twelve year old pickney, he could get in trouble with the law. I also told him that if and when he does take on the sex business, that he must wrap it up safely in a condom. Boy, I don’t have any children yet, but raising pickney not easy. All of you who have teens to contend with, I respect you all for a job well done, this is no easy business. That is it for today. Comments as usual welcome. Take care.

Recently, Scratchie was mentioning how many funerals he had been attending. Seems it is catching. I attended two in December. Have another one to attend this morning at 10:30. Hence, I am only going in to work this afternoon. This person was a very nice lady….family friend from I was a bwoy. Fell and fractured her hip about a month ago. Had surgery to fix it and things seemed to be going ok, and then it seems she picked up an infection in hospital and things began to get sour. Unfortunately, she was a very frail lady and didn’t have much reserves to draw on. She passed away two Saturdays ago despite the efforts of the medics who were looking after her. I have always said that the elderly and hospital don’t get along well. Anyway, she will be fine I’m sure. She was a nice woman and a servant of the Lord.

In addition to that, the husband and father of some folks that used to live on our road here, passed away in Florida recently….complications of diabetes and kidney failure. Apparently, they will be having the funeral here early next month….so is a next one dat to rahtid! I can’t help but attend. With the rate at which people are passing away that I know, I have to get very selective now as I don’t like these things. I guess it is the phase of life that I’m at. I passed through the Sweet Sixteens, the weddings and christenings. Now, is the farewells that take precedence. Such is life. It is all a cycle…nuh true? Enjoy your day.

Well, it being the first real day back at work after the Easter holiday, I am going to post a link. Why? Well, probably ’cause I nuh have nutten better to do right now…and I feel like doing a likkle post. Whappen? You have a problem wid dat? Jus cool, is jus me dat a loaf round.

OK, remember a post I did recently which was entitled Nature Mimics? Yes, that one with the tree that was giving you all the big middle finger. Then we got into a little discussion about the local pum pum rock. Well….there’s a bredrin named Mr. Man that sometimes livens the Tower of Babel up when the bloggers that post there get quiet for a while. Now, sometimes he posts some stuff that is interesting or worth a laugh or two. Other times….well, like all of the rude dudes in the blogging clan…is jus slackness…..but it’s all good. I found his most recent post about a Jamaican Yam pretty good. So hear what, if you haven’t been there to drop a comment, go tek een the Yam from Yard nuh. Warning to the ladies….it large still! Like I said, I had nutten better to do. Mek me go find suppem constructive fe do yaw.

It wasn’t so long ago that the goodly Doctor D posted something about examples of nature imitating something else in life. Well at the time when he posted on that topic, I didn’t have anything to suggest, but I am sure thet the yam above is an excellent example.

Now I have heard it said that many of the younger tourist women who visit Jamaica do so in search of the legendary “big bamboo” that Jamaican men are supposed to possess.

Actually, I’ve also heard that plenty of the tourists come in search of the goodly sensimilla as well, and its a known fact that the rent-a-dreads who they take up with so often can always put their hands on the finest weed that Jamaica has to offer, so you can see that the attraction between the tourist women and the Jamaican rent-a-dreads is a multifaceted thing.

Never the less, I take it as true that a part of the attraction the tourists obviously have for these gentlemen arises from their talents in the ‘big bamboo’ department, real or imagined.

Now I ask you, if our yams come out looking like that, then how much more impressive must the real thing be, huh? Only the tourist ladies can tell us, I guess. Any former tourist ladies reading this? Sing out on the topic nuh?

Anyway, there is a fine example of yam from Yard!

Well, it is a quiet Easter Monday afternoon. I am on call today and went in to do my ward round earlier. Spent about an hour at the hospital. Now I am here chillin…..had some leftover seafood pasta for my luch which went down well with some June Plum juice. Then, I caught Mad Bull on line, and we were hailing each other and shooting the breeze for a bit. Now, I must admit to not paying much attention to news in the last few days. MB sends me a message saying, “8.7 earthquake lick inna Indonesia again!” I reply……”Shyte!” “No tidal waves tho?” MB: “Not yet.”

Now, that started me thinking back to yesterday at Lime Cay. There I was, lying down on a towel under a shrub, sipping rum, inhaling the salty air and feeling irie and relaxed….so much so that I decided to cover my face with my cap, and close my eyes……maybe I could fall asleep to the sound of the breaking surf which was probably five or so feet from where I was on the sandy shore.

I then in a few minutes found myeslf listening to the waves more than anything else, and something dawned on me. What the ra$$ was to happen if I was there loafing on the beach with my eyes closed, and totally oblivious to what is happening around me, and then all of a sudden, the sea was to just swell some twenty or thirty feet high and Lime Cay was to be consumed by a tidal wave!? I must say that I found the thought rather disquieting, and instantly, I sat up, took the cap off my head and began watching the waves breaking once again. No, I saw no sign of a tidal wave, but, I suppose in life, if we were to live in fear of what could happen on a day to day basis, then we really would live like hermits…nuh true? We wouldn’t do nutten! Anyway, that was just my mind doing overtime. I hope there won’t be many casualties from this quake in Indonesia.

Now, I did mention that in the last few days, I haven’t been keeping in touch with the news, both local and foreign. Now, today, when I was driving out of the hospital, I saw nuff slodier and police near the hospital compund…..I began to wonder what was a gwaan….needless to say, as I am a rather coward man, and I don’t want nuh stray shot catch me…I put on the press and went on my way. Not sure if they were planning a raid in the area or wah.

Just not long ago, I checked the Observer on line. Seems that recently, at a meeting of the PMI (Peace Management Initiative) it was suggested, that carriers of illegal firearms, who turn them in, be rewarded by the government providing some sort of economic activity for them in their respective communities. Here is the story. Apparently, Peter Phillips seems to be giving thought to the suggestion. Now, what onoo think? Can it work? Now, I am not sure where I stand on this. But at the same time, I not going mash down the idea. I think one of the issues we have in Jamaica, is that rather than giving an idea or suggestion time to work, that could potentially solve a problem, we throw our arms up and say, “No, it cyaan work!” But, at the same time, we offer no alternative solution. So, let us say that I may be willing to give this one some thought. I am for anything that could potentially make crime less of an issue in our daily lives here. What do you think about this idea?

Anyway, it is back to the regular routine tomorrow, in fact, for some of you, you are already back at the grind…..so, tek it easy, and keep on doing what you have to do.

Yeah yeah, I been away from the blog apart from dropping the occasional comment. That is because I have been enjoying miself so far for the weeeknd….and….it nuh done yet.

Las nite I did have over a few people….did my shrimp and fish pasta with some garlic bread and juice flowed from the bar.

Today, I decided to continue the Lime…..but out at the Cay. Nice drive out to Port Royal…..good road surface and not too many vehicles on the road….less fassyholes to watch out for wid dem bad driving. Arrived at about 11 AM and paid the fee at Y Knot…it is now $400 return, they say due to the hike in fuel prices…I never complained still. I carried mi cousin Sprigadee. Now, while we were waiting on the next departure, a set of ’bout six youngsters from Chile arrived….trus me….the gyal dem look like about eighteen, but dem pretty nuh rahtid and dem did fill the bathing suits thongs well……of course…being a warm blooded Jamdown man…I couldn’t help but tek een the sights…
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Well people, this evening the Easter holidays begin. For some of us, that means all of four days away from work. For me, it means three as I’m on call Easter Monday. That is not a problem. I was planning a little cook up and rope een of friends for food and drinks on Saturday, but at least two of who I had in mind to invite will be away, so I think I’m going to scratch that idea and postpone for a while. Maybe I will think of a Lime Cay mission on Saturday. I haven’t been out there since before Ivan gave us all a blow….that I personally never enjoyed….much too rough for my liking.

BTW, I suppose that you may be having some bun and cheese for your Easter. Well, not sure if you know it, but I have recently tried out a new cheese that I can recommend…Montery Jack with Jalapeno Peppers….irie nuh ra$$ It may not go down well with bun, but just to eat by itself or with some Excelsior Water Crackers as a ‘pick me up’ while you’re tipping back some of your favourite liquid brew…..nice.

They paid us yesterday…..still no sign of gratuity…’twas due from February. Man naw smile. Clearly dollars naw run. Anyhow……seeing I have nutten great to chat about, let me just truncate here and wish you all a Happy and Holy Easter. Spend it any way you wish, and try get ‘een some rest as well.

Hail all crew. Had nutten much to write about this morning, so went in search of blog fodder. Came across a trivial little post at Yahoo Oddly Enough. Now, I am one who enjoys my cup of tea every morning. If you have been reading here long enough, you might recall my favourite is Earl Grey. I try not to have Earl Grey routinely though…..and save it for when I have time to enjoy it. Nevertheless, my cup of tea does help to get me moving in preparation for the day. I doubt very much that I would be willing to forfeit my cuppa tea, for a tea pill!

Seeing that little article made me think about modern day life. People are busy trying to make a living…or doing whatever it is that consumes their time. So, if we are not careful, we may well get caught in the pill popping frenzy. Watch the infomercials….there are pills for weight loss, pills to help you sleep, pills to make you build muscle, pills to help out dudes who aren’t ’standing firm’, pills to help you let off less gas….. Is it not possible that in twenty years, your ‘dinner’ could easily be a number of pills presented to you on a plate, with a glass of water….and in two minutes, you done swallow!? Not a belch? I think I will stick with what I’m accustomed to.

Anyway, let me end this rather stupid post with a statement and then a question. Now, in the last week or so, I have started myself on Vitamins, so in the mornings, I take a gramme of Vit C (effervescent) and a Multibionta with breakfast. I did this because I noticed that I have been feeling a bit tiyad recently…probably lack of exercise …..but anyway, I feel better since starting to take them (is that mind over matter)…..Other than that, I don’t consider myself a pill popper at all. I will take some Panadol for the occasional headache, but other than that, I man haffi feel well frig up to be taking medications. What of you? On average, how many pills do you swallow let’s say in a week? Just curious….a method to get you all chatty and involved.

And, lest I forget (head not as good as it used to be! )….the Easter holidays are approaching. Have a few buns and ting here already, as well as some snappers. Need a bit more cheese. You all make sure to enjoy it. Tek it easy.

Whazzup? Well, I have decided to change gears today and mention nutten about crime or violence. Now, I am sure that many of you realize that ever since eons ago, the issue of the size of a man’s genitals have been the topic of nuff rum bar talk, big ups and even embarressment (is so it spell?). I’m sure that you have heard of Freudian penis envy as well.

Ok, so having set the tone for this post, you may realize that you are not going to get any post that is going to leave you thinking here today….then again, you never know….the ladies may just leave here conjuring up large hard images……. ….who knows? Rude bwoy Doc. at the control today.

Last night at private practice was verrrry slow. Perhaps because holiday weekend coming and people nuh get pay for the month yet. So, I saw all of one patient. A twelve year old I have been seeing with some of the most stubborn acne that I have ever come across…..it jus naw budge with conventional therapy. She has not yet started seeing her menses, so her hormonal levels may well be contributing to the recalcitrant nature of the acne. Anyway, when I was finished seeing her, her mother asks me if I would look at something on her brother…..who is not registered to see me. Anyway, I told her that I would and that if it was something requiring me to take a proper history etc, she would need to get him regsitered.

Next thing I know Mother starts to pull down the shorts and underwear of the nine year old fellow. She then whips out his penis and asks me, “Doc. Him Grandmother feel that suppem wrong wid him. She seh him buddy too small!” Poor yute stands there looking quite ‘cute’. I look at the boy’s penis and tell her to dress him up. Yes, he might not have a monster betwixt his legs, but hey, the boy has not yet entered puberty. I told her, “Mummy, just leave him alone. When he goes into puberty and his hormones start to skyrocket, his penis and his testicles will start to grow, he will get hair under his armpits, groin and face and his voice will deepen.” Don’t give the poor yute nuh inferiority complex……. Basically, Grandma jus need to chill. I suppose she just looking out for the future of her grandson still.

A couple years back, when I was doing general practice, I remember one Saturday at about 11 AM, a yute in his twenties, who was about 6ft tall, came to see me. After introducing myself and enquiring what I could do to help him, he tells me, “I think my penis is too small!” Mentally, I start to roll my eyes and ask myself, “So WTF do you think I can do for you in ten minutes today?” Anyway, I go through the motions. Take a look at poor fellow who seems adequately endowed and tell him to dress up. I have a little pep talk with him and try to reassure him seh nutten doh do him. Poor yute probably watching too much porn still.

So, whether you like it or not, people do place a big emphasis on the size of a man……despite the little expression, “It’s not what you got, it’s how you use it.” To many, size does matter. Now, on the feminine side of things, I don’t think I have heard as much discussion about the size of the vagina….do you agree? Sure, breast size is also a big issue, but I can’t say I’ve heard as much chat about the ladies.

I suppose I would be considered inadequate by the ladies (and the Doc. simply won’t ‘low dat) if I were not to provide them with some pictorials to size up. Now I might just warn you girls, if you are squeamish and don’t like the sight of men in the raw, then don’t bother to check the link. However, if you’re a lady that feels she can handle any size work, have your fill! If you click the photos, they will ‘big up’. And, being an equal opportunity blogger, all the rude boyz who want to see some skin, can click MORE, for an ounce (or two) of flesh. Everybody have a nice day, fiiled with all the rewards you have wished for….be they large or small.
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The man’s head is bent in concentration at the task before him. His shoulders hunched purposefully as his elbows move in tiny circular motions. The sun glints weakly off the oil-darkened blade of the carving knife as he whisks it from side to side on the sharpening stone in preparation for carving the chickens for the Sunday meal.

His daughter watches in fasination. Her six-year-old eyes take in the site of her father. Her legs swing gently back and forth against each other. Her hands resting on the bench as she watches his movements. A gently breeze rustles the through the trees, lifting the baby hairs that frame her face.

Inside the house there is a hum of activity. The roasting chickens simmer and brown in the oven. The rice and peas, plantains and carrots sit on the top of the stove. Her brothers and sisters are talking, reading watching T.V. or resting as usual on this lazy afternoon.

The man looks up without the slightest change in his rhythm. He winks at the little girl. A quick smile flashes across her brown face and as she draws her legs up and crosses them under her she knows that on this warm peaceful Sunday afternoon all is well with her world!

Ciya
March 21, 2005