Goodbye... Until We Meet Again
Not too long ago, I was visiting Sixty Five at the hospital. He had a few other visitors while I was there too, and so he was in pretty good spirits. One of these visitors was one of his doctors, who he seems to have known for some time, and so they began to chat.
He began to talk about his childhood. He felt that he gave an inordinate amount of trouble as a child, so much so that he told the doctor that he believed that he had probably sent his mother to an early grave! 
The doctor asked what his mother had died of, and Sixty Five told him that she had died from an aneurism at 52. The doctor then pointed out that she had died early for a woman, but that it seemed that she had heart disease running in her family, as Sixty Five's father had lived until he was 93. "Indeed," he pointed out, "it is quite likely that she passed on the heart disease to you. You mustn't blame yourself for something that neither she nor you could have helped". Of course, I agreed with him. I don't think that my father was anywhere near as bad as he was making out, as the things he described as his troublesome behavior did little more than paint a picture of a mischievious boy to me!
The doctor went on to inquire why Sixty Five felt that he had been so bad. He asked him if he regretted the things he had done, and my father replied that he regretted only a few. Probably because he was asked, my father began to tell us a story from when he was younger.
"When I was younger, my brother had a small rowboat. I was only about fourteen at the time but I used to use that boat a lot, so I knew how to handle it properly and everything." he said. He told us of one summer, when a couple of older boys dropped by to visit his older brother. Despite the fact that they were not good swimmers, they decided to borrow the rowboat and take it for a spin on the Kingston Harbour, and he decided he would go out with them too.
The older boys took turns rowing the boat, and Sixty Five wanted his turn too, but the bigger boys wouldn't let him have a turn with the oars. After they had each taken turns twice, he asked again for a turn at the oars, but they refused once again. Now Sixty Five was a pretty good swimmer, and he also knew how to handle that rowboat... He told the bigger boys that he would turn over the boat if they didn't give him a turn, but they only laughed at him, and continued to row the boat.
"So I stood up in the stern and put my feet on both sides of the boat and began to rock from side to side and kick hard with my feet and in no time I had turned the little boat over, throwing everyone into the sea!". 
The two bigger boys surfaced and threw their arms up on the overturned boat, holding on for dear life. Sixty Five however, surfaced under the boat. He lifted his head into the pocket of air trapped under the boat, and he hid there for a while, as the bigger boys called his name and searched frantically for him. They were terrified that he had drowned, and they were frightened for themselves, as they were not the world's best swimmers by any means.
Another boat came over and the bigger boys were pulled from the water, and they were in the process of telling their saviours about the missing Sixty Five when he surfaced, climbed on top of the rowboat, began to rock from side to side, and turned the little rowboat back right side up! 
He then retrieved the oars, climbed back in and rowed the little rowboat back to shore.
"I don't recall being punished for it either." he said, with a smile tugging at his lips, as he sat up in the hospital bed, gazing back through the mists of time, watching in his minds eye as a young, fourteen year old boy used his smarts to get what he wanted. 
Theres more if you like...
I will always remember that story, as I will remember so many things about that man... I have so many pictures of him in my mind...
I remember walking with him down the road to the Green Grocery when we used to live in the West Kings House area. He held my hand and chatted away with me as we walked. I don't remember any of what we spoke of, but I remember that little walk.
I remember the trips we used to take to Coral Reefs, a villa in Ocho Rios that he used to take the whole family to, when we were all young. I remember holding on to his neck as he would swim, giving me a ride on his back. I remember him holding me up as I lay on my back in the water, trying to teach me to float, (which I am still not very good at 
) and taking me out in the rowboat that they had at Coral Reefs... I remember so many things...
He taught me so much. He was there for me at all times. He always had my back. He was like this with all his kids too, not just me. I have never sensed any favouritism in him for any of his children, a fact I consider to be quite marvelous, as I know many people who feel their parents openly displayed a preference of one or two of their children, thereby affecting the other siblings negatively...
He lived his entire life for his children! He did without so much so that we children could have what we needed. He spent so much time with us, interacting, teaching... loving us.
He was a great father. A great man.
So many treasured memories, flitting through my mind...
Sixty Five died on Holy Thursday. April 17, 2003. At 01:55 AM. Over the last few months he has had a rough time of it. Three heart attacks... An inflamed stomach... He was severely weakened by these, so much so that he had to spend a lot of his time lying down from weariness or sitting up in bed so that he could breathe properly. He couldn't sleep well a lot of the time. He couldn't keep down what he ate. He spent a lot of that time in the hospital, which he hated... especially Ward 7 at the University Hospital... "Ward 7 is a little bit of hell on earth! They send you there before you die!" he said.
He didn't like living as he was doing. He knew he wouldn't live long without going for a bypass operation, but he also knew he had little chance of surviving such an operation, because of his greatly weakened state.
He opted for the operation. He took the fighting option.
I will miss him greatly. All the members of the Bull family will. And yet, there are many things we can take comfort in.
He won't have to endure any more of the discomforet he was going through in the last few months. He was not in any pain when he died, and that is unusual. So many die quite painful deaths.
He was able to see all of his children, and to see MB. Jr. before he died, and to spend some time with them, time he enjoyed immensely! He had his family with him when he passed away, which I am sure he knew.
He was able to use this time to make himself ready for this, his final journey. He was such a good man, I am sure he is going away with God!
In a way, his life was not unlike that story he told about the rowboat. His life was not without problems, but he found ways to ovrcome them. This final period of his life here on earth can be seen as that period when he wanted to take the oars of the boat once more. He was being denied. His death was his method of overturning the rowboat, and even now, I am sure he has righted that boat, retrieved his oars and is even now rowing himself toward the shore... towards his relatives who went before, who are waiting to greet him and lead him towards his new life.
Goodbye, Dad. We'll see you when we get there...
Posted by Mad Bull at April 18, 2003 03:35 PM
Comments
I am actually typing this comment with tears in my eyes. First of all I must commend you, this is one of the best posts you have ever done IMHO, and you have great courage to be taking this on so soon after his passing. (Suzie, my dog, is presently putting down her 'plea barking' as I call it for her food...she will have to wait till I'm finished.)
Because I am a doctor, I must let you know, that regarding Sixty Five's medical condition, I had to bite my tongue on several occasions as I did not want to let you know that I could sense that he was gravely ill, though I suspect that you all eventually realized this. During the times that I visited him in hospital, he always maintained the sense of humor that from I have known him, he has always had. As a result of this, I made sure that I had at least one joke to tell him when I visited and I also tried to encourage him not to give up hope, just to 'hang in there'.... as I realized that during the waiting period that he had before the operation he was becoming depressed. I know he appreciated it, and I take comfort in having been able to do this for him. I may not have been his doctor, but whatever I did for him medically, it was a pleasure indeed. You are one of two bredrens that I have, and your Dad was like family to me. Always remember, it is the little things in life that matter, something my Mother always used to say.
You can all take comfort that everything that man on Earth could have done to get him over this humbug, was done. But, as I have said before, sometimes in Medicine, despite our doing our very best, God has His way, He is in charge. You need not fear, Sixty Five is looking down on all of us now, and in the same way that he looked after your Mother and your siblings when he was here with us in the flesh, he is watching and guiding all of you/us as a Guardian Angel.
There will be hard days ahead for you my yute, indeed, I have been through this before and I don't wish it on my worst enemy. The loss of a loved one is always difficult to deal with. Some days will be easier than others. You will adjust, you will mend, TIME is a wonderful healer. However, you will NEVER forget the cherished memories that you shared, take comfort in them. You have done more than your fair share of what was expected of you as a son. It reminds me of the situation that I was in when Mummy was ill in 2000. You will only receive blessings and comfort for having done these things. Sixty Five was a remarkable man, he was easily one of Rufie's and my favourite persons. He is in a better place and he is now at peace.
Last but not least, as I have said before, if you have the need at anytime, don't hesitate to shout, me deh bout. Peace to you all.
Posted by: Dr. D. on April 18, 2003 06:17 PM
Sixty-five is my Daddy too. The very best of men! A man who always put his wife and children before himself. A man with amazing faith in his maker. He faced each of life's challenges with strength, love and courage. He taught his children many things, including strength, faith and courage. Love was never even considered a lesson as it was such a constant in our lives.
One of his habits with us was to take us out of school to spend the day with him on his job sites... usually entailing a trip to the country. I, personally spent many afternoons at his office, "helping" his secretary to type and having hamburgers in the office cafeteria. Sixty-five taught most of us children to drive (no wonder he developed heart problems). He would often have to calmly state "Rosie, my heart is in my throat, please step on the brake." Even when I annihilated his favourite car - the blue capri, he was very calm, only concerned about my safety.
I was so very proud to be walked down the aisle by my Daddy - He was even there early, not a usual occurrence - smile! Every time I returned for a trip I was always comforted to look up at the waving gallery and see his beautiful white hair standing out among the crowds. Every time I had to leave there was a major bawling session by myself with Sixty-five telling me not to cry, that I'd see him the next time I returned.
When my children came along Daddy was so thrilled, loving them. Taking them out to the garden early in the morning for their private talks. Teaching them about the stars and the fruit trees and the birds and I am sure many other things that they have not yet made me privy to.
I was with my Daddy when he passed on. I am sure he was surrounded by my brother who passed away 17 years ago and his mother and father and other relatives who had gone before him. I know that he is in a much happier place.
I am also very sure he is with me and all of our family and will be for each and every moment of our lives.
He was and will always be my wonderful, beautiful Daddy.
I love you Nevs!!!
Love, hugs and Kisses
Wandering Rose
Posted by: Rosalie on April 19, 2003 06:15 PM
MB my prayers are with you and your family, my brother.
I never knew your Dad, and I don't know any of your siblings,but I have known you for over 26 years and judging from the job he did raising you, He must have been a great Father and and role model for you and your siblings, and I am sure that when he stands before God, he will be told "Well done, good and faithful servant", because for those of us who have been blessed with kids, raising them well is the greatest trust and responsibility that has been given to us by God. I know your Dad did a great Job.
God Bless
Phleg
Posted by: Phleg on April 19, 2003 11:47 PM
Thanks for your comments, Phleg. 
Updated: By the way, my father expressed to me the exact sentiments you wrote here when MBJr. was born... (re the trust and responsibility God gave us... Child Bearing/Rearing)
Posted by: Mad Bull on April 20, 2003 12:52 AM
Just a fellow blogger wishing you condolences. I'm sorry to hear your news.
Posted by: Gert on April 20, 2003 06:33 AM
Mad Bull, I've been reading your blog for a while now, but this is the first time I've posted here. I'm so sorry for your loss. Your tribute to your father, and your sister's post, touched me greatly. I hope your father is with those who have gone before, waiting for you to be united once again.
And, I hope when it's my turn to shuffle off this mortal coil, that someone will remember me as sweetly as you remember your father.
Posted by: Buffy on April 20, 2003 08:54 PM
I'm so sorry to hear of your father's passing, MB. It was heart-warming to read your post and your sister's comment and the other nice comments here. It sounds like your dad lived a full life and touched many lives. There's much to celebrate about that. :-) Take care.
Posted by: Amy on April 20, 2003 08:58 PM
I'm so very sorry for your loss, Mad Bull. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Sixty Five's family.
Posted by: Da Goddess on April 20, 2003 11:51 PM
Thank you for your kind comments, Gert, Amy, Joanie and Buffy. I really appreciate them.
Posted by: Mad Bull on April 21, 2003 09:43 AM
I am very touched and impressed with your ability to write even though you were in obvous pain - that is the hall mark of a strong man. Your Dad would have been proud of you. I know it must still be difficult for you but I am glad that you found it in your heart of hearts to share stuff about your Dad through this medium with persons like me (who didn't know him that well).
Posted by: Den Den on May 25, 2003 12:01 AM
What you have wrote has touched me so much you have actually sent me to tears, Sixty Five sounds like a great man and i am sure the saying like father like son goes without saying. I remember when my grandfather died, he too was a great man although i must say he showed a lot of favouritism towards me than any of his other grandchildren, he is my guardian angel and im sure Sixty Five is yours.
Posted by: kate on August 26, 2003 09:06 AM
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I am actually typing this comment with tears in my eyes. First of all I must commend you, this is one of the best posts you have ever done IMHO, and you have great courage to be taking this on so soon after his passing. (Suzie, my dog, is presently putting down her 'plea barking' as I call it for her food...she will have to wait till I'm finished.)
Because I am a doctor, I must let you know, that regarding Sixty Five's medical condition, I had to bite my tongue on several occasions as I did not want to let you know that I could sense that he was gravely ill, though I suspect that you all eventually realized this. During the times that I visited him in hospital, he always maintained the sense of humor that from I have known him, he has always had. As a result of this, I made sure that I had at least one joke to tell him when I visited and I also tried to encourage him not to give up hope, just to 'hang in there'.... as I realized that during the waiting period that he had before the operation he was becoming depressed. I know he appreciated it, and I take comfort in having been able to do this for him. I may not have been his doctor, but whatever I did for him medically, it was a pleasure indeed. You are one of two bredrens that I have, and your Dad was like family to me. Always remember, it is the little things in life that matter, something my Mother always used to say.
You can all take comfort that everything that man on Earth could have done to get him over this humbug, was done. But, as I have said before, sometimes in Medicine, despite our doing our very best, God has His way, He is in charge. You need not fear, Sixty Five is looking down on all of us now, and in the same way that he looked after your Mother and your siblings when he was here with us in the flesh, he is watching and guiding all of you/us as a Guardian Angel.
There will be hard days ahead for you my yute, indeed, I have been through this before and I don't wish it on my worst enemy. The loss of a loved one is always difficult to deal with. Some days will be easier than others. You will adjust, you will mend, TIME is a wonderful healer. However, you will NEVER forget the cherished memories that you shared, take comfort in them. You have done more than your fair share of what was expected of you as a son. It reminds me of the situation that I was in when Mummy was ill in 2000. You will only receive blessings and comfort for having done these things. Sixty Five was a remarkable man, he was easily one of Rufie's and my favourite persons. He is in a better place and he is now at peace.
Last but not least, as I have said before, if you have the need at anytime, don't hesitate to shout, me deh bout. Peace to you all.
Posted by: Dr. D. on April 18, 2003 06:17 PM