The Mad Bullkins Diet
I have noticed that many, many people today are doing the Atkins Diet or another meat-heavy diet called the South Beach Diet. It really seems to have taken on too, as I recall reading recently that bakers have been experiencing a forty percent drop in sales due to their customers being on these low carb diets.
Now, those people who are on the diet know that you are to eschew fruits, beans, and all manner of carbs. Actually, I think you can have 30 grams of carbohydrates, but as any lover of alcohol, bread, pastry, rice, noodles and such delights will tell you, thirty grams is next to nothing, you simi?
It is pretty damned difficult to do these diets, I think! Sure, you might love meat, but after a couple of days, you start to dream of ice cream, or the doughnuts that Manor Park Pharmacy sells, you know what I'm saying? Feel free to substitute in the sweet stuff you can't pass by...
So whats a guy with a sweet tooth, a love of alcoholic beverages chased with Ting, and a love of all the major food groups to do? Click the link below to find out...
Well, thats where the wicked, phat Asian lady below comes in.
She IS a honey, isn't she? Sweet!!! 
She is really, really juicy, meaty and voluptuous for an Asian, don't you think? While I was reading up on this same Atkins diet, a doctor made the point that the slimmest people in the world are vegetarians and Asians, and as far as the Asian part of that statement goes, he is right! This particular dawta (woman) is NOT slim, however... and yet, she isn't fat either! The right word for her is PHAT! She is phatness personified! 
Anyway, I digress... Re the diet, what the sweet toothed, alcohol swilling lover of all food groups has to do is to substitute a girl like this for the sweet in his diet! Yes, that will make the situation more tenable and the diet more palatable. She is sweet enough to substitute for the irie-est of chocolates, and fruits, my yout's, and guess what? If you eat her, you won't bust your diet! She is all-meat, baby! Not one rass carb in sight! Rowr! Go for it, you carnivore, you!
And you know what else? I say phuck the 30 gram carb limit! Eat 40 grams instead! Throw in a slice or two of your favourite fruits too! Hell, you'll burn that shit off "exercising" with that beautiful babe! After all, everyone knows how much more regular, strenuous exercise adds to a diet! 
You know what, I think that my recommendations are sufficient to make this MY OWN diet! I think I'll call it the Mad Bullkins Diet! I'll build a website and borrow money to market the idea and I'll make millions! You would pay US$39.99 for a book telling you how to do my diet properly, wouldn't you? 
Posted by Mad Bull at November 23, 2003 02:30 PM
Comments
no, nobody would. They can get everything on the net FREE!
Posted by: natty on November 23, 2003 03:00 PM
Bwoy, Natty, you trying to burst my bubble? Hey, you would share all my hard earned wealth, y'know! You should be assisting me to market this gem of an idea! By the way, mah peeps, the thirty nine ninety nine does NOT get you the girl... We don't sell women, or I'd be Mad P.I.M.P., not Mad Bull! Get your owna (own) girl!
Posted by: Mad Bull on November 23, 2003 03:04 PM
Love de post rude yute! I would pay the $39.99...but hear wha...me haffi get gyal as part o de package!.... (as a bredren)
Seriously though, I have never been one to subscribe to these diets that all these people are starving themselves over. Sorry, good food is one of life's best pleasures (and amongst the cheaper of life's pleasures I might add). I think most people (myself included) make the mistake of making dinner our largest meal of the day, and most of us have it too late at night and are in bed shortly after.
My suggestion is to have meat and vegetable matter only in the evenings. If you must have carbs forget rice which we in Ja. depend far too heavily on and have a small baked potato or some green bananas instead. It makes a difference, trus me. I did it diligently for about three months last year and it made a difference. Anyway, I have gone back to mi wanga gut nyami nyami ways and belly big up again, so hear what, send de Asian gyal rude bwoy....man have work fe do wid her in bed after eating dinner! (She's low cal dessert!)
Again, me like de post.
Posted by: Dr. D. on November 23, 2003 06:26 PM
Mb I notice that you only market the male in this Mad Bullkins diet?! What about us girls, where is our sweet delectable delight? I really don't think that is very fair of you at all!!!
Posted by: Ciya on November 29, 2003 02:45 PM
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no, nobody would. They can get everything on the net FREE!
Posted by: natty on November 23, 2003 03:00 PM