Not Lizard Run, Mad Bull Run!
Cayman has a lot of little critters, you know. Some of them I have never seen in Jamaica either. This is a little story about how some of them chased me out of a hotel near to the Seven Mile Beach.
Shoma and the DSS Doc had to go to some play or something that their daughter was in one morning, so Shoma gave me her car to drive it to work. At lunchtime, she asked me to pick her up some lunch. I stopped by the Burger King on the way and took lunch over to her office, which is in what looks like a hotel or something.
They have a courtyard in the middle of the place with a swimming pool, and they have tables and chairs around the pool, so we went out there to eat. Almost as soon as we began, I saw a fairly big lizard giving us the eye. It looked like a ground lizard in every sense except in its tail, which it carried curled over its back. I hear that these lizards are called 'Lime Lizards' by the locals.
Suddenly, the little bugger turned towards us and started to make his way in our direction, with those little darting runs that they make. The lizard looked to me like he was coming straight towards us, and I became a bit alarmed. I pointed it out to Shoma, and she assured me that "Its NOT going to trouble you!".
Of course, that means nothing to me or many Jamaicans, as for some reason, every single Jamaican woman is deathly afraid of lizards, and we imbibe this irrational fear with our mother's milk, so we all have at least a little touch of it. To allay my fears, Shoma got up and walked towards the lizard and as she got closer to it, it turned and scampered off. Soon after, it turned around and started coming back, and Shoma got up and charged the lizard, which panicked and ran off again.
Soon after, I heard a sound behind me, and when I turned around, there was an even bigger lizard making its way towards me! 
Read on if you like...
Again, I became alarmed! I told Shoma again, but this time she couldn't be bothered to get up. The lizard continued to inch its way towards us and with every inch, my sense of disquiet grew. Now I had bought myself a Kids Meal at Burger King as I hadn't felt very hungry. I took the bag that the Kids Meal came in and I rolled it up so that it looked like a stick and I swung it like a club in the lizards direction.
By this time, it was so close that the bag barely missed it. The little bugger merely ducked his head and fell back two steps, then started his inexorable advance again. I swung the bag again. The same thing happened.
Shoma started to laugh at me by this time. Then the lizard came in towards us once more.
By now, I was fed up! Understand me, nuh man! I am a humble yute! Me never trouble nobody, I just wanted to eat my lunch in peace, and here was this fool-fool lizard that wanted to come and mess up my day! 
In a fit of rage (some might call it fear) I grabbed up the toy that came with the Kids Meal and I threw it at the lizard. Whap! A DIRECT STRIKE! The little bugger lay still, as though he were dead. Shoma said "See, hes dead, eat your lunch.". I replied "Hes not dead, he is faking it!". Shoma laughed, then got up and started to walk towards the lizard to show me that it was dead. As soon as she got close to it, it came back to life and raced off... I said"See, I told you it wasn't dead!".
The lizard retreated and turned, surveying me eating what it felt was its food with a baleful eye. I sat there chewing my burger, and giving the lizard back the baleful eye.
Suddenly, from behind a flower pot off to the little bugger's right, out popped yet another lizard, which started to advance on us in exactly the same manner as the other two had! I said "Listen nuh...", and in one move, I stuffed the rest of the burger into my face and swallowed it whole! "I am ready, you hear! I gone back to work!" said.. I got up and walked out, and Shoma could barely keep up with me, she was laughing so hard!
Imagine. A Bull routed by three little lizards!
Anyway, they say that a coward man does keep sound bones, yuh zimi? 
Tomorrow...
Posted by Mad Bull at May 18, 2004 09:25 PM
Comments
:) amusing story... I'd probably be antsy too... good form of diet control?
Wondering, really, other than intimidate what can them little buggers do?
Posted by: Desiree on May 19, 2004 01:26 AM
Well, unfortunately I heard the story already, but its well written. Next time you encounter one of these curly tailed reptiles, shoot it nuh!! (No, not wid you 'nine...
)....I mean the Olympus my yute.
Try mek sure seh you exterminate dem ting deh before me reach, seen!
Posted by: Dr. D. on May 19, 2004 08:15 AM
Listen MB, I for one think you were very brave. I would have left after the second one came hunting. 
Lizards must know their own place after all, don't you think!!!!
What is the world coming to, when the lizard feels it is in control! YIKES!!!!!
Posted by: Ciya on May 19, 2004 08:15 AM
Big man fraid a lizard???
but hey, with that direct hit, you coulda well teach the West Indies team how to field, how to hit the stumps.
the lizards not doing you a thing. jus 'low dem.
Posted by: yamfoot (michelle) on May 19, 2004 08:43 AM
You can keep them all to yourself. The only good lizard is a dead one thank you!!!
Posted by: scratchie on May 19, 2004 11:06 AM
Spoken like a true Georgian scratchie! I concur....Yamfoot arite!
Posted by: Dr. D. on May 19, 2004 05:21 PM
My Yute!!!
Me caan stap laugh!!!!Dat funny nuh rass!!!
Me nuh tink yuh a go live deh too long if yuh fraid ah lizard!!
I would have left when de second one appear. Do me ah favour, do a poll to see if is only Jamaicans fraid fraid ah lizad so!
Posted by: StringBean on May 20, 2004 12:07 AM
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:) amusing story... I'd probably be antsy too... good form of diet control?
Wondering, really, other than intimidate what can them little buggers do?
Posted by: Desiree on May 19, 2004 01:26 AM