Telephone Ting
De Telephone ting mash up me life,
Make me matey a call me wife,
you nuh seet say,
De Telephone ting mash up me life,
have me a live thru nuff fuss and strife.
- Kip Rich
I'm not sure if the last line above goes exactly like that, but I thought of the words to that song and how true they can be for some people sometimes... Maybe cellies aren't such a blessing, huh? Kip Rich talks about his wife borrowing his phone and seeing the "Me want to sex u" text message he had received on his phone, and about all the fussing and fighting that ensued as a result. Certainly I can think of people who have been in situations like these... It can get worse than that, however!
Yesterday while driving in to work, I heard a song I had never heard before... it affected me as no other song has ever done! It was a recent-ish song, by a Black-American singer, not sure who, but the song sure told an interesting story, bwoy! It affected me in the way that an exciting movie or a great novel does, making me want to plunge on and on, wanting to find out whats gonna happen next, whats gonna happen next!
The song started with the guy waking up to a ladies voice, wishing him good morning from outside the room. Of course, having just woke up, he didn't pick up immediately that the voice he heard wasn't that of his wife, plus, he had been out doing some major partying the night before. In walks the lady, all nude and looking irie and ting, but my yute was very startled and alarmed to realise that the woman wasn't his wife. He looks outside and sees that its morning, and slowly, the realisation dawns on him that he had slept out... the entire night! 
Apparently he went out clubbing alone the night before, and he had really tied one on, bredrins and sistren! He hooked up with this lady and went back with her to her place! He had had some fun with her, but due to the amount of liquor he had consumed, he fell asleep, and he didn't wake up until right then!
He began to think about all the shyte he was in, all the shyte he was going to get from his wife, and all the shyte he would have to make up and fabricate, and he was really wondering how the hell he was going to get out of this one! 
He decided that he'd better haul his ass back home, pronto, so he got up and he scrambled into his clothes and thing. As he made his way out of the bedroom, the woman was standing in the doorway to the kitchen. She asked him where he was going and he told her he was leaving. She flew over to the front door and stood up blocking it and she told him he couldn't just leave like that! 
Of course, ya only have to click the link below to find out what happened next!
He was a bit taken aback, but he quickly told her to get out of his way and to let him out, because he had a wife he had to get home to. She then told him that he couldn't leave, because her husband had just driven in and was coming inside. 
She begged him to go hide in the closet. He was stunned, and he was thinking "What kind of shyte have I got myself into?". Anyway, he decided that discretion was the better part of valor. He asked the woman if he couldn't jump from a window on the other side of the house. She replied, "I wish you could, but we're on the fifth floor!".
Reluctantly he let her lead him to the cupboard and in he went, and not a moment too soon. As soon as he got in, he heard the front door open and the husband came in, shouting "Honey, I'm home!". He heard the woman go to the man and kiss him. She told him that she had a very special time planned for him. She said that she had already run his bath water and he should go lie down and soak for a bit, relieving his stress while she finished preparing some food for him.
My yute in the closet thought "Damn, shes good! While her husband is bathing, I will be leaving!". Unfortunately, things don't always work out exactly how we'd like, and the husband decided that he hadn't been overly stressed and the hunger he was feeling wasn't for food. As the wife led him into the bedroom, he pulled her over to the bad and began to kiss her and caress her. At first the wife continued urging him to go have the bath, but then she began to respond to him, and a hot makeout session ensued.
My yute in the closet was getting quite agitated now, because he badly needed to leave and also, because of the fact that the husband was there and he had to keep in hiding... he was wondering what was going to happen next and how he was going to leave when guess what?! His cell phone started to ring! He quickly grabbed it out and muted it, but not before his strange sounding ring tone alerted the amorous husband in the bed that something was amiss! The husband jumped up and asked the wife "What was that?". She said "Nothing". and she tried to coax the man to get back to business, but he wasn't having it.
He got up and looked under the bed, and all the while she was telling him to come back to bed. He didn't find anything under the bed, so he got up and went into the bathroom. All the while his wife was begging him not to go in there and asking him to come back to the bed. The husband pulled back the bathroom door and looked... nothing. He moved stealthily toward the bath and ripped back the curtain... nothing... all this time in the closet, the other bredrin was getting well, well antsy, you know... so, the husband came out of the bathroom. The man could hear his footfalls approaching the cupboard now! The rude yute in the closet sensed that he was about to be discovered so he drew his Beretta! 
As he stood there in the dark, pressed up between the clothes and the closet door, all nerves on edge, time seemed to slow down! It was like he was standing there for hours, listening, listening, and there was such a long time between each footfall as he could hear as the man coming closerand closer to the closet door. Next, there was a pause in the footfalls, and the tension was thick as he realised that this was the moment when the man was about to open the closet! 
Thats where the song ended, braps, just like that! It left me hanging, bwoy! Right there, teetering on the brink, wondering what was going to happen next? It was an awesome song still, it makes you think! Anything like that ever happen to you? Has it happened to me? Well, I am not telling... but it did make me pause to think. I doh know what my description of it did for you...
It really makes you realise though... the telephone ting really can mash up your life, can't it?
Well, its a Friday, and as such, its my day! I want you all to enjoy your day! I hope to convince Natty to attend the Friday Fantasy Fete which is a part of the "Jet Around Cayman" weekend festivities here... remember Trouble told y'all about that? They will be having Oscar B, Shurwayne Winchester, a lady soca singer, didn't catch her name, but she sings a song called "The Candy Shop", and also, they have the soca band Traffic performing at this fete, so it should be quite exciting!
By the way, Monday is a public holiday here, its the official celebration of the queen's birthday! What with the fete tonight, all the other festivities planned over the weekend and the public holiday on Monday, there is the potential for this to be an awesome weekend!
I hope its equally as exciting in your neck of the woods! Just be careful what you do with your cellie, thats all I'm going to warn you! 
TGIF, mah peeps! Bull out! 
Posted by Mad Bull at June 10, 2005 06:45 AM
Comments
you guys seem to have more holidays than woork days. Enjoy it still. Song writer caan just leave yuh hanging....cho..... I gues that's what an imagination is for I suppose.
Posted by: scratchie on June 10, 2005 08:37 AM
Hi Mad Bull-Dat deh song-a reality dat. Another holiday. Ratid. I need to migrate down to Cayman. Natty-go have yuself a nice time with the festivities. Hope you have nice sunny weather by then. It's raining and awful up here and will be that way for the entire weekend. Drat.
Posted by: sunshine on June 10, 2005 08:56 AM
Good story, but yes, it needs to end man...cho!
Holiday again? No wonder man like you who live to loaf gone down deh go live!
Posted by: Dr. D. on June 10, 2005 09:11 AM
from what you descibing I think thats R kelly's new song. I havent heard it yet but I've heard people describe it as a soap drama type song. Its actually supposed to be a 5 part song and apparently it gets worse from there. I wont tell you what I heard though
Posted by: jdid on June 10, 2005 10:36 AM
Yeah guys, I believe I heard the 2nd... or 3rd part a couple days ago, it came on XFM and I was like WTFITS, but I couldn't switch it off 'cause I wanted to hear what happened... Melodrama, that's the hook for us people... And it ain't done yet I'm sure... Good gimick.
Posted by: Trouble on June 10, 2005 11:18 AM
That's R Kelly and I haven't heard the others yet.Moral to the story-turn off all phones in those kinda situations
Posted by: kami on June 10, 2005 06:23 PM
Mad Bull...you should see the video to that song..I think it is called "caught in a closet" or something along that line....R' Kelly strikes with crazy shyte again...ah swear he loves thes love triangle business
Posted by: Janelle on June 10, 2005 10:30 PM
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you guys seem to have more holidays than woork days. Enjoy it still. Song writer caan just leave yuh hanging....cho..... I gues that's what an imagination is for I suppose.
Posted by: scratchie on June 10, 2005 08:37 AM