Friends?
Its an awful feeling when a person you count among your closest friends turns their back on you.
A person who visits with you ALL the time, or you with them. If they’re not visiting, they’re on the phone. This was a person you could talk to, and did. You’ve shared your life secrets with them. You know THEIR life secrets, or at least you think you do. You’ve shared so many things with them… You’ve shared your life. Now, they act like they don’t know you, never knew you… or maybe they act like you were only an aquaintance of theirs. Its especially bad when you don’t know the real reason why they are treating you this way. It can really hurt.
I’ve done this to a person once. I had my reasons.
We grew up together, He went away to the U.S., where he fell into “bad company”, doing drugs, getting into fights, etc. He would come back to visit a lot, and whenever he did, we would hang out again, just like before, only different. Whenever he came around, he would get me into trouble of some form, like petty vandalism, excessive drinking, hanging out with other drug users, or fights. Ohhh, he just loved to get into fights.
After a while, it became a bother to hang with him, so I stopped. I never ever told him why. I just stopped. He’d call, I wouldn’t return his calls… I knew he was in the island, and I’d go out all day, not telling anyone where I was, so that he couldn’t get into contact with me. I’d go to parties and not take him, and if he managed to get there on his own, I made sure I lost him in the crowd. He got the picture really quickly. He was persona non grata! He just didn’t know why, exactly.
That was nearly twenty years ago. To this day, he still tells people that I’m an asshole. Maybe I was. Maybe I should have at least told him why I was giving him the cold shoulder.
Now I am getting an idea of what it feels like, as I’m watching something similar happen now.
The thing is, there is always a reason why this happens. It may seem small and inconsequential to you, but rest assured, its there. You may never ever know what it is though.
I guess you can deal with it in any number of ways.
You can try to badger away at the person until they tell you whats wrong, and maybe you both sort it out. This approach may or may not work.
You can be like my friend, and grow to hate the person, and let it bother you forever.
Or maybe you can accept what has happened. Look back over the life of the relationship. Store up all the good things in the treasure trove of your memories, and forgive the person, even while letting them go. Realise that sometimes things don’t last forever, but that fact doesn’t have to tarnish all that went before. Having done that, you can get on with your life without carrying around any bitterness.
You’re going to have to get on with your life anyway… Why take around any baggage with you?
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i too have been on both sides of this sort of thing, and agree with you. we all go through changes, and people can change over time. being angry about it doesn’t change things. i hope things work out.
People are complex beasts.
Hope you manage to resolve this.
Thanks to you both for your kind wishes…
Are you and Dr. D. fighting?
WOW! This post seemed to have been blown WWWAAAAYYYY out of proportion.
No wKen… It has nothing to do with Dr. D. If it were him, I’d just tell him about his ra$$ . Actually this isn’t about either him or I.
wKen, I agree with Mad Bull, on the few occasions that we’ve come to ‘blows’ (never physical in the 20 odd years that I can remember knowing him) a few (or shall I say many) good Jamaican claats (expletives) are exchanged. We may be a bit huffed for a while, but in true male style, in a short while we put those differences behind us and were back to bredrens again. MB, I know what you are referring to and it’s a pity. The person who is giving the cold shoulder will eventually realise that he/she has done the wrong thing. Hopefully, it won’t be too late then. It is always very hard at first to accept this kind of crap for the person to whom it is dished out. With regard to your friend of yesteryear, who used to get a bit troublesome, I can’t really blame you for how you dealt with him. Enough said. I have a post to do myself. As I said in my recent post about ideas on friendship, BIG UP BREDRENS!
Actually, Dr. D, you don’t know who it is… I’m not sure who you’re talking about, but this relates to a friend of mine at work. It has nothing to do with me. Remember I pointed out that this is something that I am watching this time around. I just am sorry for the dude, know what I mean?
Hey MB, I know to whom you refer only too well and if you feel uncomfortable around him or plain don’t want to see him (even after twenty years) just avoid him as you’ve done all along. I’ve actually seen him quite a bit recently which you know and found that he’s matured a lot more since then, but to be quite honest and not making excuses for him, I don’t think he actually remembers most of the trouble that he caused back then (probably due to his drug use) or if he does then, he’s a pretty good pretender/liar (hopefully the latter and not the former - giving him the benefit of the doubt); but that’s only my opinion and I tend to be a bit more forgiving than most or so I’ve been told. From what I understand now he’s having a bit of marital problems (yes I know, again, but apparently not from his side!) I guess I’ll have to tell you about that in confidence
Dr D, being my older bro always said to me that I am sorry for him, which I guess I really am. I pray for him quite a bit. I wonder what Seven thinks about it as she used to tell me the same thing….hey Seven, what do you think?
Hey MB, wounds however old will heal
I’m sure your ‘friend’ will come around soon and if not, then he hasn’t come to the realisation of what a true friend/guy you truly are. Trust me, I don’t compliment people just so, so this is said in earnest. Both you and Natty - love you both. Of course where Dr D and Seven are concerned it’s a given!
MB, I guess I was wrong, too! I stand corrected.