The Mad Bull’s Blog, Version 3

Let me tell you a little story about something that happened to me earlier. Sometimes you expect people to behave one way, but they don’t always do what you expect. I was walking between office buildings, as I have to do from time to time as I go about my bank’s business.

Now I can walk along the roads to get between buildings, but there is a shorter way. I can also cut across my office’s parking lot, go through a gap in the fence into the parking lot behind our parking lot, walk around a building and get out on a road running parallel to the road my office is on.

Once there, I just turn right and walk a short distance and I am there! Since this route is a lot shorter, thats the route I took. Yeah, yeah, I know I have been going to the gym and working out and all, but walking the long way is just crazy!

So anyway, I was walking along, ensconsed in my own thoughts, when a man stumbled out of a pathway through a bushy open lot to the right of the car park and nearly bumped into me. “You all right?”, he asked. I could tell that he was as surprised to see me as I was to see him. I assured him I was okay and he fell into step beside me. “I just had a close call.”, he said. I looked at him warily… “What’s he up to? I wonder if he is trying to beg me some money or wha’?”, I thought to myself.

“Oh yeah?”, I offered, guardedly. “My wife was just chasing me in the street! Chasing after me, you know! She had a frying pan in her hand and she was trying to hit me with it… Again!!! She just did that last week, and now she was just trying to do it again!”, the man exclaimed.

“Why was she doing that?”, I asked. “Well, I have to say it was my fault, not hers.”, the man replied, smiling back over his shoulder at me as we reached the main road and turned our separate ways. “The reason she was doing it, I believe, is because I was out drinking and I had a bit too much. Its not her fault. Its mine.”.

I smiled back at the man and said, “Okay. Well, you be sure you don’t let her catch you now.” I told him, and he smiled again and weaved along on his merry way.

See, there I was, expecting that the man was chatting to me in that familiar manner so that he could put the touch on me to give him a dollar, and all that was going on was that he was a friendly alcoholic! Its nice when people surprise you like that, isn’t it?

Anyway, its about time for me to knock off work myself, and it being a Friday, I think I am going to follow the example of the man who I met earlier. I am going to pass through a bar here in George Town and have a couple myself. I don’t plan to have so much that Natty will want to chase me and deck me with a frying pan, however.

You all have a great weekend, you hear!

Below this, I am pasting in something amusing that was emailed to me for your reading pleasure. Click the link below to read the rest. Until next time, Peace & Love.

Oh look! There is more, and its quite funny…

The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational asked readers to take any
word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing
one letter, and supply a new definition.

The winners are:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an @sshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until
you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
person who doesn’t get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

12. Karmageddon: It’s when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, and then the Earth explodes, and it’s a serious bummer.

13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you

14. Glibido: All talk and no action.

15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.

16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into
your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in
the fruit you’re eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its
yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate
meanings for common words.

And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only
a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been
run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n. a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies
up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Tags: Idle Chatter //