The Mad Bull’s Blog, Version 3

You know, I hate having to kill stuff for Natty! Invariably, its a lot of work. I don’t know about women from different parts of the world, but here in Ja., women are all afraid of something, be it rats, roaches, lizards, gallowasp, snakes, mice… There is always something. But eventually something on the hit list will appear in the bedroom! In the night! When you’re deep into someone’s blog. (Laura’s, in this instance).

So last night, Natty was calling me from the bedroom. “Mmmm!” I replied. She told me that there was a big spider on the roof above where MB. Jr. was sleeping. I didn’t go immediately. My mind categorised what she was saying… spider. Small eight ledded creature… Not important. I continued to read the blog. Natty would not be ignored though. She kept calling me.

Reluctantly, I tore myself away from the computer and went into the bedroom. Natty pointed, all the time talking away, something about not sleeping in that room with that thing… I wasn’t really listening, because I saw a spider, right up at the point where the roof joined the wall. A big spider! A very big spider! As I looked at it, the realisation hit me… This wasn’t a big spider, it was a HUMONGOUS spider! Hell, even I wasn’t going to sleep in the room with it. I knew it then! This spider had to DIE! Don’t go away now, theres more…

Natty left the room and returned, pressing a mop into my hand for me to kill the spider with. I crept up on it, as it sat there in the corner. I lined it up as best as I could, then I swung the stick fast! As you must have intuitively known would happen, I missed! The spider let itself fall to the floor and then bolted under a humidifier on the floor beside the bed. I began moving the humidifier around, pushing it with the mopstick. No sign of the spider. I got a thin, curved implement and pushed it under the humidifier, lifting it up. Plop! The spider fell off, racing away under the bed… I got a sinking feeling. This was going to be a long one.

I got down on hands and knees, lifted the edge of the sheet and looked under the bed. I saw it immediately, just out of reach. Bummer! I got up, walked around the bed, got on the floor, knelt again and looked under the bed once more. Ahhh, in range now. I moved the mopstick into position, raised it a bit, then swung down hard! Shit, I had missed again. The spider scooted out from under the bed, but as soon as the full force of the bedroom light hit him, he turned back around and scooted back under the bed. Ahhh, still within reach… I moved the mop handle into position once more , swung downward! Pow! I hit him, but with what only seemed to be a glancing blow. At least one leg was torn off, but after the impact, I couldn’t see the rest of the spider. Now, I really began to feel bad! I had no evidence to show to Natty. Now she definitely wouldn’t want to sleep in the bedroom… I knew I had to go the distance, as the thought of her, MB. Jr. and I all crunched up in MB. Jr.’s bed just didn’t appeal!

I pulled off the pillows and sheets, (carefully checking to see if the spider was lurking therein), and placed them to the side. Then I struggled and sweated to lift off the mattress from the base, carefully checking once more for the spider. Finally I got to the base. I removed it very gingerly, on the basisof the fact that the spider was last seen in this vicinity, ad after losing a leg, he probably was more than a little pissed. As soon as I placed the base to the side, I saw not one but four legs! I had struck a mighty blow indeed! But as carefully as I searched, I couldn’t find the rest of the body. Luckily, Natty was prepared to accept the visual evidence of the four legs as an assurance that neither MB. Jr. nor she was in mortal danger any longer.

We all went to sleep not too long after that, but I couldn’t sleep! Guess why? No, I didn’t feel remorse. No, I wasn’t worried about having yet another creature’s blood on my hands. Nooo… I was worried about that spider. Its probably lurking in the room somewhere… regenerating its limbs in safety… rebuilding its strength… and waiting. Waiting for its opportunity. Waiting for our guard to drop. Waiting for us to forget that we had ever seen a spider. Then and only then the spider would emerge once more, out to have its revenge! The lines from the Black Sabbath song “Iron Man” (but slightly changed) kept playing over and over in my mind… “Planning its vengeance, the black spider stared out at the world…”

Tags: Family //