Friday Phuckery
I learnt a new term today… a guy at work (lets call him Andrew) was intently typing away at his computer, trying to resolve some problem or other… suddenly, a look of shock/dismay came upon his face and he slapped his forehead with his palm and declared “Andrew, you’re such a tosser!”.
Now, I’d never heard this term before, but contextually speaking, I guessed that being a tosser was not a good thing, because of the look on his face and because of his body language. I looked at him quizzically and he said, “What?”, so I asked him what a tosser was.
“You’ve never heard what a tosser is?”, he asked, incredulously.
“No.” I replied.
“It is something a girl would do to you.” he said, but of course, I was still unsure, because girls can do so many things to you, nuh true?
Finally he said “Its when they lick your anus. Tossing your salad, you know?!”.
I said “Oh…. I’ve heard the term ‘tossing your salad’, but I wasn’t sure exactly what it meant.”.
Well, now at least we all know what it means, yes? So, when I start calling people ‘tossers’, well, you will know what I mean. Some of you might’ve known of that term already, but now, everybody will be on a level playing field, zeen? Good.
Theres is more…
God!!! My knees are hurting me today. Yesterday, Natty and I took MBJr. back to Grand Harbour, to that road beside Hurley’s that I mentioned to you recently. This time though, we carried the bicycle that we bought for him recently. Who tell us fi do that!
“Lets race, Dad?!”, he said.
How do you refuse a cute bwoy like that, you know? I mean, good knees or bad knees? So I jogged off beside him and away we went! I actually ran the length of the road, almost from sea to shining sea! (ok yeah, I did some walking too, briefly, from time to time). This is the narrowest point on the island, I think. Its maybe two miles in width at that point. Anyway, I did a lot of jogging, and several times, I had to do some rass claat sprinting, when MBJr. wouldn’t listen to me calling to him to stop.
Imagine, the bwoy just wouldn’t listen to me when I was calling to him to “Stop! Wait on me!”, and from time to time, he would draw well ahead of me! A couple of times he was speeding along, happily ignoring my shouts, when I espied a car coming in the distance! Thank you, Lord, for 20-20 vision! I burst into a hard sprint each time and managed to get to him just before the car did! The second time he did it, I made him get off and push the bike for quite a distance! You’d be surprised what pushing a bike in the sun-hot can do for one’s hearing! 
Hey, whats up with the Anna Nicole Smith show? 
Bumbo claat, from the dawta lose likkle weight, the show has certainly changed, nuh true… Blood cleat, a fuck she a fuck somebody on the show, you know! Di gyal gone to porn to rass!
Bwoy, watching it is giving me some ideas! Hey, I’ve managed to inveigle Natty to drink some rum with me! I don’t think I am going to tarry with you long tonight! I may be able to ‘take advantage’ of her, you know? 
Me gone!
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Tossing eh….is that a common practice there?
No comment re pain inna you knee.
Anna Nicole Smith mek me stomach sick…maybe Angry Dawg would be interested in her show. Sounds like you did ’spirited’ nuh bloodcleat when de typing yah was a gwaan.
Anna makes your stomach sick? You don’t like my truck? No comment re pain in my knee? Doc, stop being such a tosser!
She makes your stomach sick?! You obviously havent seen her recently.
I cannot stand Anna Nicole either, her show seems so retarded.i have no patience to watch her.
The first time I heard the tosser term was in college and it was common place there. Can you imagine me fresh from yard and hearing this?
Hush wid the knee problem MadBull, a so it go.
She beahves like she is retarded Trish!
Doc, I would have thought that an ultra sexy, seemingly stupid blonde like Anna Nicole would be the answer to your dreams (even if only for a couple of weeks. After that, you’d prolly want to get as far away from her as possible!). You surprise me! So, are you saying that you need to be able to connect with a woman in more than a physical way? You seem to be maturing!
Oh, and thanks for the commiseration, Trish…
I will be decent and not tell Mad Bull bout him claat. Better done face to face!
i think tosser is a british expression. i’ve heard it before, but never knew that’s what it meant.
well how about “BOSSER” - someone who bosses people around, or “HOSSER” - someone who loves horses, or ” LOSSER” - someone who always loses things, or “OFFER” someone who is always telling people to f. off - like, meant for the people who invented the word ” TOSSER” idiots!
…Or “ASSER” the asses who insist on using these stupid words that the “LOOZERS” invent!
A who dat name medat? Medat, a you dat? Or is it an eediat?
I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to look at salad tossing the same way….May be we’ll just have to have the lettuce etc separately from now on.
Well MB, unfortunately, we all get older and while we like to think of the younger ones keeping us younger too, sometimes reality comes along and hits us smack in the face…… sorry, knees!!!!! Never mind Bro, it happens to us all.
Heard that phrase about 10 years ago in a documentary that was done on Jamaician Yardies - they were talking about prisons in the US - it was truely horrifying to see a big tough man bawl de livin’ yeye water - talking about the “induction” into the prision community. I believe the correct context is “hey Mad Bull - can I toss your salad??” (then you put the puke smiley here!)
Strength to Love, 1963 Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity. Nick Diamos