I Can Deal With That.
I came home from work this evening to see Natty all frustrated with MBJr. and MBJr. all frustrated with his homework. Natty told me that he was behaving kind of silly. He was told to write a letter to a friend about something funny that happened that day. The first issue was that he “couldn’t remember anything funny that had happened.”. He whined about that for awhile and then he started to cry.
Eventually, he told his Mom about something that some of the kids had thought was funny, but that he did not think was. She suggested that he write about that. She told MBJr. that he could tell his friend about this event and ask the friend if he thought it was funny.
He didn’t want to write that story! Meanwhile time was passing and he was all bawly-bawly and the homework was still not done. 
Eventually he agreed to write that. The next hurdle was which friend he should write it to. He was there arguing with his Mom and going on about which friend he should write it to. “Write it to Chioma nuh?”. “I don’t want to write it to Chioma!”. “How about Devin?”. “I don’t want to write it to Devin either!”. “So who do you want to write it to then?”. “I don’t know!”.
Why don’t you write it to Eric then, MBJr.?”, Natty asked and he said, “Because I don’t want to write it to Eric!”, and with that, he started to cry again, and I decided this was all nothing but rubbish! 
I turned off the TV and told him that he couldn’t watch it again until the homework was done. I said “MBJr! Write the letter to Eric!“. ” I don’t want to wr-” he began to whine…
“I DON’T CARE IF YOU DON’T WANT TO WRITE IT TO ERIC! WRITE IT TO ERIC NOW!!!”, I shouted. “”But I - “, he started again, whereupon I shouted at him again, telling him to write it to Eric.
He started writing, and I helped him to structure it a bit. I basically asked him questions, and when he answered me, I said, “Write that!”. We kept on like that until the story was written, and it was a nice little story too! 
After he put away his school books, I congratulated him on the nice story and held out my hands to give him a hug. The little man walked past me! I said to him, “What happen? Are you vexed with me?”.
“Yes.”, he replied.
“Why?” I asked him.
“Because I didn’t want to write that story.”, he said.
I asked him, “When did you get that letter to write?”. “Today.”, he said.
“And when do you have to give it in?”, I asked. “Tomorrow.”, he replied.
“And weren’t you trying and trying to think of a story to write and you couldn’t?”, I asked. “Yes.”.
“And you want to watch some TV tonight, don’t you?”. “Yes.”, he replied.
“Well, I want to know why you are vexed? You have homework to do. You can’t think of anything you would like to write, but you HAVE to give it in or you will get punished. You eventually come up with a story but you don’t want to write it. I force you to write it, and now there you have a nice little story, your homework is done and you won’t get in trouble tomorrow, and on top of all that, you can go watch TV now, so what I want to know is, why are you mad at me?”.
He stood up, looking at me and pouting, but not answering. Eventually, I said, “You know what? I think you are tired. You can go watch TV, but lie down in your bed with the light off and watch it.”.
“But I am not tired!”, he said. “Well, I think you are! I am not stopping you from watching a little TV, but just lie down with the light off and do it.”.
Its not nice to have to force him to do stuff he doesn’t want to do still. Natty didn’t like that I shouted at him and forced him to write the story. “You are teaching him that he must shout and carry on if he wants to get things done!”, she said. Maybe she is right but you know what? When I did that, the pace of the homework picked up tremendously! I think the greater good was served on this one. I think I can deal with that. 
Now I am going to get ready and drag my ass off to the gym.
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Pickney! Aaah bwoy!
yuh lucky sey yuh ongly have one!
I think that’s the most difficult part of rearing kids.
The yelling to get them to do your bidding. However, your wife is correct. Yelling begets yelling. My wife yells and I see it being carried on in my daughter, because she yells at her younger brother.
My method of choice is the belt. Please hear me out. I tell them if you make me go get the belt , I’m going to use it. Then I escalate the threat levels, usually there are about 3 levels, then its belt time. Not the “murderation” we use to get, but a good spank.
It works in my household.
Tek care.
Boy I totally understand the way MBJr felt. I hated writing those compositions. Especially when the teacher wanted you to write about something like, “What I did for my Summer Holidays”.
I always used to make up some dramatic nonsense or other.
lol @ Stringbean. The belt threat usually worked much faster on me than the yelling ever did.
Oh! There was a belt threat as well. That was part of the yelling.
Hey you did what i think you had to do….. at least you never kick and box him down ,which some parent would have done. The truth is sometimes we have to do those stuff and they don’t even realise how much it hurt us to do it … i suggest that you follow it up with a likkle reasoning with him one day when he in a better mood cause, i think he needs to have the seed of understanding planted… at least that is what i do… and i really try not to use the belt even tho’ the threat does surface more times.
I am soooooo with you on this one…I too worry about the shouting i have do too at times, more often than not……and wonder if i am sending the wrong message…..but u know sometimes they just don’t move until the noise level goes up just a bit and the tone of the voice changes……back in the day , all my mother had to do was give me one look, or if she was close enuff one squeeze (And if you in crowd…u have to stand there and pretend that nothing is happening)….But as Bobby says, the impt thing is to try to make them understand why we do what we do…but guess what, they wont understand until they have kids of their own…!!!!!!
lol. Oh I like this post. Reminds me of back in the days. My mother only had to give me one look. However, my Aunt whom I lived with not only had to get the belt, she had to catch me! The one look business only work with my mother.
Yes MB, can you imagine if you had several? That’s the approach that I would have taken too actually.
Hi Bro,
Imagine, your big sis is actually here….I know, I have been very bad recently.
I think that you did the right thing too. children need limits. I will NEVER forget my friend from high school sharing the story of how her mother never questioned her on where she was going or who she was going with and that she could go anywhere she wanted to at anytime she wanted to and how she always wished that her mother would just tell her no just once. Because then it would show that her mother loved her.
What we all wanted…to be able to do whatever we wanted whenever we wanted she had and did not want because without limits she felt unloved. Of course there is no way MBjr will understand that now but he will eventually.
I have been known to do a bit of shouting in my time, even with the ever eloquent MB when he was younger
Still do with my kidlets…(however, they know my shout is worse than my shout…so it is not quite as effective as I would like) Daddy’s shout however usually gets results. But I aways try to explain to them after why they needed to do/not do what was either needed or not done.
Having three kidlets, I find it quite satisfying to see them use a similar logic on each other and more often than not in the correct manner and for good reasons.
they do learn from what we preach and even if sometimes it is shouting then so be it.
I have but one question…..what is the trick with the LOOK? because I know very few parents of our generation that that works for. anyone have any suggestions.
Frankly, I remember being at church with y’alls and acting out on the pews at Sts. Peter and Paul, walking up and down - etc., etc!!!
I remember 65 eventually reaching out and administering the good old jaw squeeze - you guys remember that? Man that s… hurt!!!
But that jaw squeeze was VERY effective - it was on the surface, an act of ‘Fatherly love” - but for real “If you don’t sit your a.. down, you and me… well, you and me’re gonna have a li’l talk outside… ”
Oh boy, I was SUCH a slow child - I remember having to have that “li’l talk outside” often. Poor 65 - I was such a brat!!!
But I love him SOOOOOOOO much for the discipline he taught me - and honestly - after a few good “jaw squeezes” and “li’l talks outside”, well, I quite grasped the concept of “THE LOOK!!!!!!!!
ya do what needs to be done bro
Daddy Bull pon di case! Cool nuh man!
Sounds all good to me..am sure you don’t always have to yell at him to get him going,
Watching tv with light off is bad for the vision .,,bad daddy
You know, Kami, I have always heard that, but I don’t believe it! Also, he lay in there watching TV and I went to the gym. Within half an hour, he was asleep, which is what he needed, so… I think I did good!
You did what you had to do, I guess. And it worked, although I dunno about the shouting. Oh well.
I work with children and young people, and trus’ mi. One a dem especially love try mi patience. Nuff time mi haffi call pon faada God fi ‘elp mi nuh wring ‘im neck.
Nothing wrong with bawlin after the pickney. The problem comes from frequent/excessive shouting and threats without following through on them. This teaches them to shout and that the threats are idle ones. Belt doan mean nothing you you neva take lick. But, after you teck lick, the belt threat is very ominous indeed.
A good shout never hurt. I used to pick up some stiff lick but it was all the necessary (or so I now understand). As for the light…the overhead light defuses the tv brightness. Not sure about the damage but in my now a days watching I notices that the pull is not there when the light is on.
The utilization of belts in disciplining children is a form of violence, which is anachronistic and needs to be terminated, because it only promulgates the vicious cycle/circle of violence by children who experienced such forms of socialization in their early years, towards their off-springs and the larger society.A tsunami of violence has engulfed our societies,and the decrease in the violent socialization of children by parents is one way of arresting this violence generationally.Indeed,new paradigms,modalities,methods,techniques and approaches should and must be employed by parents in communicating and disciplining their children, instead of resorting to belts ,irrespectiive of how lightly such spankings are administered.Such spankings inform children that the way to resolve differences/disgareements and issues is to employ harsh and violent measures.Let us please put away the belts.RESPECT!!