The Mad Bull’s Blog, Version 3

Hi guys. What a gwaan? I guess you will have noticed that I was pretty quiet all week. I don’t know, sometimes cat got my tongue, I guess…. and no, I don’t want you to read anything into that statement! Yeah, I know I was recently talking about Bob and cunnilingus, but thats not what I was leading up to here. How oonoo mind just on one thing so? Cho!

Its an interesting saying though, isn’t it? “Cat got your tongue”? I wonder where the saying originated. As I always say, Google is your friend. I turned to trusty Google and I was given four theories as to the origins of that saying. They follow:

Theory #1
The saying comes from the Middle East, where as punishment, liars had their tongues ripped out and fed to the king’s cats.
Theory #2
Fear of a whipping with a cat o’nine tails, or “cat” for short, could paralyze a victim into silence.
Theory #3
The expression comes from the Middle Ages when witches were greatly feared and often put to death. It was believed that if you saw a witch, her cat would somehow “steal” or control your tongue so you couldn’t report the sighting.
Theory #4
This one comes from someone named Evan Morris, the Word Detective: “There’s no particular logic to ‘cat got your tongue,’ except that cats have served as the object of human myth and metaphor for thousands of years.”

Personally, theory #2 sounds like the best candidate to me. What oonoo say?

Anyway, I guess I just didn’t have anything that was really all that interesting to talk about. I have since put up two other posts this morning, so when you are finished reading this post, just scroll down and gwaan read (go on reading), seen?

You know what was the most interesting thing that happened to me this week? I went to Kings Gym and after my workout, I decided to watch a bit of the 6-a-side in-door football league action. I watched about 10 minutes at the end of the first half and decided that this was a superior match and that I HAD to stay and watch the second half. I was amply rewarded for doing so! The football action was great! The Ritz Carlton team was playing Ernst & Young, I think it was. Great game! Ernst & Young were beaten 6-2. The Ritz Carlton team was awesome, IMHO, because Ernst & Young’s team is not an eediat side! (weak team) One of the strikers from the Ritz was a Jamaican, his name was Mikey, he put on the play of the game when he gave a defender a spectacular “salad” (what the Americans call a ‘nutmeg’) and calmly slotted the ball home, leaving the keeper lying dejectedly on the ground. Really good stuff.

At the risk of getting cussed out, I will say here that I really think that indoor football has the potential to be even more exciting that the outdoor version of the game. The reason for that is the fact that the ball is hardly ever out of action and the entire game is action packed! I love it. Wish I could play it again, but I have been going for too long without a knee injury to take it back up now! I will just have to remain a spectator, I guess.

Anyway, its Friday, which is a good reason to celebrate. Since I won’t buck you all up on a pub crawl later this evening, I won’t buy you a beer. I will give you a joke instead. Now I got this joke in email, and it came in all-caps. I am not “shouting” at you, but I really can’t be bothered to retype this. Work wid it, zeen?

Do you fart in bed? I have been known to do that myself, on occasion, so I hope Natty doesn’t ever do this to me…

THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE WHO HAD BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED FOR YEARS.

THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE WAS THE HUSBAND’S HABIT OF FARTING
LOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN HE AWOKE. THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE AND

THE SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR.

EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP RIPPING THEM OFF BECAUSE IT
WAS MAKING HER SICK. HE TOLD HER HE COULDN’T STOP IT AND THAT IT WAS
PERFECTLY NATURAL. SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR, SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT ONE
DAY HE WOULD BLOW HIS GUTS OUT.

THE YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT. THEN ONE
THANKSGIVING MORNING AS SHE WAS PREPARING THE TURKEY FOR DINNER AND HE WAS
UPSTAIRS SOUND ASLEEP, SHE LOOKED AT THE INNARDS AND NECK, GIZZARD, LIVER
AND ALL THE SPARE PARTS AND A MALICIOUS THOUGHT CAME TO HER.

SHE TOOK THE BOWL AND WENT UPSTAIRS WHERE HER HUSBAND WAS SOUND ASLEEP AND,
GENTLY PULLING THE BED COVERS BACK, SHE PULLED BACK THE ELASTIC WAISTBAND
OF HIS UNDERPANTS AND EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY GUTS INTO HIS SHORTS.

SOME TIME LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH HIS USUAL TRUMPETING WHICH
WAS FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM AND THE SOUND OF FRANTIC FOOT STEPS
AS HE RAN INTO THE BATH ROOM. THE WIFE COULD HARDLY CONTROL HERSELF AS SHE
ROLLED ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING, TEARS IN HER EYES! AFTER YEARS OF TORTURE SHE
RECKONED SHE HAD GOT HIM BACK PRETT Y GOOD.

ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME DOWNSTAIRS IN HIS
BLOODSTAINED UNDERPANTS WITH A LOOK OF HORROR ON HIS FACE. SHE BIT HER LIP
AS SHE ASKED HIM WHAT WAS THE MATT ER.

HE SAID, “HONEY YOU WERE RIGHT.” “ALL THESE YEARS YOU HAVE WARNED ME A ND I
DIDN’T LISTEN TO YOU”.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN?” ASKED HIS WIFE.

“WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END UP FARTING MY GUTS OUT,
AND TODAY IT FINALLY HAPPENED.”

BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, SOME VASELINE AND
TWO FINGERS. I THINK I GOT MOST
OF THEM BACK IN.”

Peace and love, my peeps! I’m out! I have to take MBJr. to the beach.

Yeah, I didn’t go in to work this a.m., the teachers in the public school system over here on Grand Cayman have a training/development day off, and I don’t have a helper, so I had to stay home with “mini-me”. He wants to go to the beach, and its not a bad idea, so… I’m out!

One love.

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